billsbabe, dear one, you don't need to interact with the spitit of Bill. The roller coaster of thought and emotion you have to experience in mourning is normal. So is the way that Bill's mother is dealing with her burden. Every one harmed by this loss needs to deal with their own pain on their own ability. Let it run it's course. In time you will smile again. I promise. You have in fact answered your own concerns within your query. You are aware that Bill made choices that cost his physical life and that his parent introduced him to drugs and was aware of the danger in his choice. I suggest to you that you turn this tragidy to a positive by taking a completely alternate course of that life style. Maybe do some thing to benefit drug prevention programs as a small way of healing your self. Know that as much as you hurt others hurt the same or more. Try not to judge, and if others need to judge you to get past their pain sympathize with them, but don't accept responsibility for what does not belong with you.
We don't know what gifts our future holds for us. We don't know our struggles and pain either. We do know that by giving of our selves we like wise grow in all things. I sadly miss my lost loved ones, but I treasure the memories and enrichment of my life as result of having had them. I am grateful that I was gifted with them at all. I am grateful for the souls now in my life. Each has a purpose, and I for them, even the ones I don't so much like. I believe that every person and encounter in our lives is with purpose in the development of all souls.
My heart goes out to you. I promise life will improve and you will smile again if you can just hold on with a positive attitude and action toward good for your self and others. Perhaps you'll find some thing in my words that may offer some comfort or hope. It's my true hope that your sorrow be lightened.
Yours In Spirit,