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vampires anyone?


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#31 anasuya

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Posted 23 April 2004 - 07:40 PM

I really like it. It could use some more imagery. I'm a fan of adjectives. lol.

And I agree with your perception of vampirism, as I used to partake in bloodlettings with someone who thought of himself as a vampire who fed on blood and the energy obtained through the lifeforce.


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#32 mellilotflower

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Posted 24 April 2004 - 01:42 AM

I  agree with ana, it could deffinitely do with more description- remember this is the intro to a novel, what you're doing here is basically setting up the premise for a whole world.
I like the idea that you tell us right from the start what this guy is and what his motives are- so many books keep these things hidden until later.  I'd be carefull, however, that you don't give us everything, you want to keep us interested later on in the book, and providing us with sudden insight into a certain aspect is a great way of doing that.
The quote links in nicely with the person's (not sure of the gender yet) motives... and we're left with the question "so why didn't the father kill the sixteenyrold"...
Dhampir by the way is a name for a half vampire, half human.

The point which I should first wish to understand is whether the pious or holy is beloved by the gods because it is holy, or holy because it is beloved of the gods.

Sonnet XCIVBut if that flower with base infection meet,The basest weed outbraves his dignity:For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds;Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds

#33 Alsie R.

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Posted 24 April 2004 - 08:32 AM

thanks for the technical name. i've just been calling them half bloods.
A long, long time agoI can still rememberHow that music used to make me smileAnd I knew if I had my chanceThat I could make those people danceAnd maybe they'd be happy for a whileAmerican Pie, Don McLean~ carpe diem, seize the day, make your lives extraordinary.-dead poet's society i eat emo kids for breakfast. with french fried hash browns.

#34 MoonChild

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Posted 24 April 2004 - 09:00 AM

thanks for the technical name. i've just been calling them half bloods.


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#35 shellas13

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Posted 24 April 2004 - 05:36 PM

Alsie...hey, I really liked the intro...and yeah, I'll chip in my two cents with the others and encourage you to add more. Like ana, I'm a real fan of the descriptives...and sadly, that's my worst flaw when it comes to my own writings, lol. May I ask are you writing this as a NOVEL-length novel or more of a young adult book? Either way, it's already starting to sound very interesting. Btb, loved the punchline end...lol...both highly amusing and intriguing.

#36 Countess

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Posted 24 April 2004 - 07:52 PM

getting a little philosophical on me there ana.  :) personally, i believe real vampires exist. i think that there are people out there that do get their energy from blood or the other kinds. but i don't buy into the immortality thing. i think that once your body's done, your soul moves onto another.
      i don't think that vampires today actually sleep in coffins, though dracula dead and lovin it would have you think differently. but still, anyone else think there are real vampires out there?

Yes. I believe there are human vampires, meaning they get energy from many diferent kinds of things.But.....they do not live forever and don't run from the sun, nor do they fear garlic.They don't all resemble your Louis and Lestat gothic clones.They could be your teacher, banker or even your best friend. And I believe there is some truth to the folklore of vampires. The above books mentioned, by Paul Barber is an excellent book, Vampires Burial and Death. Also mentioned anything by Mcnally too. I have quite an extensive collection of books on subject. I love conversation about this topic and welcome it.
I find the whole history of Borley Rectory most fasinating to reasearch.I wish I could have visited it when it was still in existance.

#37 shellas13

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Posted 25 April 2004 - 02:45 AM

Does anyone have any theories as to the vampire's real orgins? I know that ana mentioned Kali and I'm sure it spans much further back than merely Vlad, lol. And what is anyone's take on the possiblity that modern vampires' needs could be in fact based on medical rather than supernatural reasons? I don't know much about this, but have often wondered about this subject...would appreciate anyone's opinions on the matter! ;D

#38 Countess

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Posted 25 April 2004 - 01:12 PM

Fist of all I love your comment at the bottom, your signature. I love ABFAB!Down in the Devil Gate Drive . So come alive.....Yea.

I have a few comments to make for your interest maybe...........modern vampires the human kind not the ones in folklore and on the telly but the human ones, drink blood for several diferent reasons. Some claim it's sexual others for energy some even do it for a high not unlike drugs or drink.Then you have your whole serial killer vampire group. It is a very large group and very hard to narrow down the single ( if any ) reason why they drink blood. As for fabled or folklore vampires you would do good to read some of the above mentioned books.
I find the whole history of Borley Rectory most fasinating to reasearch.I wish I could have visited it when it was still in existance.

#39 Alsie R.

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Posted 25 April 2004 - 04:18 PM

okay next part!

As dark as night can be, there is always someone who walks it
-Anonymous
                             “So?” my roommate Alexia Morgan asked.
 I slammed my keys down on the hall table and glared at her. Please don’t pry Alex. I’m begging you, I thought silently, For once in your life, don’t ask questions. I could not have had a worse night.
 “Hallie? Come on kid. It couldn’t have been that bad,” she says.
I flop on my threadbare armchair and laugh and pull my knife out of its hiding place in my boot. “It could have, and was, thank you Alexia,” I said.
  “So what happened? You had that mark tucked in its coffin already. You said it yourself at the bureau earlier,” Alexia calls after me.            
I got up and padded to the kitchen, rooting for something to eat. I had thrown up everything after that fight and I was starving. I knew I had a few Pedialyte popsicle in here somewhere. Mom used to give them to us instead of the sugary stuff. I pulled out my favorite, grape and returned to the living room. Alexia was perched on the edge of the couch, her head cocked in a questioning pose, “Hal? Please you know I hate being in suspense.”
    I sigh, set my popsicle on a napkin and wrench up the side of my shirt and point. Alexia’s eyes grow wide when she sees the bruise there, “Oh my god Hallie! What happened!?” she exclaimed.
I pull my shirt back in place. I’d be disgusted if I were her too. The bruise is about the size of a cantaloupe, resembles a boogie board, and turning purple. Very attractive.  “Exactly. Just when I was reaching for my blade, she kicks me in the side."
“So did you get her?” Alexia asks, biting her lip.
  I shake my head, “She got away.  I’ll be sore for weeks.”
Alexia settles back in the couch, “You need anything? You should probably put some ice on that you know.”
 I shake my head and get up, “I think I’ll just go to bed. I don’t have to go in until two anyways.”
  “Night Hallie,” Alexia chirps as I drag myself back to my room.
 I crawl into bed after pulling off my pants and jacket and curl into a ball. “Night Mom. Night Colin. Night Nikki,” I call softly to the ceiling, “Wherever you are.”
 Its only at night that I let everything come out. I spend my time doing three things: fighting, planning, and crying. And making it look like I’m unaffected. Underneath the evil vampire hunter facade. I’m a complete softie. I didn’t cry at my own family’s funeral. I cried at home, under the covers until I thought I would break in half. I did it for a year. In bus stations, in parks, and at the academy where you were supposed to be brave. That was the shameless sort of it; you’re grieving. But tonight, my tears are totally for myself. All I can think of is the vamp’s voice in my ear, just before she swooped in for the kill, “Lullaby, lullaby, sing me to sleep. Time for my teeth to sink in deep. Goodnight, goodnight, say goodnight, because fair hunter, time to feel my bite.”
A long, long time agoI can still rememberHow that music used to make me smileAnd I knew if I had my chanceThat I could make those people danceAnd maybe they'd be happy for a whileAmerican Pie, Don McLean~ carpe diem, seize the day, make your lives extraordinary.-dead poet's society i eat emo kids for breakfast. with french fried hash browns.

#40 shellas13

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Posted 25 April 2004 - 08:12 PM

WOW, gurl...really...like wow...lol LOVED that ending paragraph. To be honest, the dialogue could use some sprucing up, just add more I think, but you have got a GENUIS when it comes to understanding your character's psyche...and a truly original and unaffected way of portraying her inner dialogue. To me, that's always been the hardest part...the internal dialogues...lol. Sure, the interaction between the characters is important, but it's those intense, private moments when the main character is alone that really causes a reader to sink in for a nice long read, lol. But anyhoo, GREAT work and can't wait to read more! ;D

And Countess...I was JUST going to say the same thing about your tagline about the Borely Rectory...lol. You know that is THE one haunted place I would want to visit?? Just the history alone makes me shiver in anticipation! lol

And yeah...ABFAB RULES! *It's my bone structure, darling. My whole body just hangs off these cheekbones!* :D

#41 MoonChild

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Posted 25 April 2004 - 08:28 PM

basically Kali is NOT a Vampire. Kali is an incarnation of Mother Godess for a specific purpose - to kill a demon king called Darika. Darika had a boon that goes like, for every drop of blood that falls on earth from his body, there will be a clone like him. So it was kinda impossible to kill him and being an evil king, he needed to be erazed from earth. That is when Kali was approached and she cut off his head and drank all the blood without a single drop falling down onto earth.

Vampires in our myth (or shall I say history lol) are called something else. They are referred as demons who drinks blood. Yakshi for one, is the female entity who lures men and leaves nothing of them except hair and nails. Raktha Rakshas is what is the vampire for us.

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#42 Countess

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Posted 26 April 2004 - 09:44 AM

Shellas13, is there a place here on this site that has any discusion about my much loved Borley Rectory?

ABFAB*I'll order some champange, darling.

As for the whole vampire thing, well book search and some serious digging and you shall have some answers.
I find the whole history of Borley Rectory most fasinating to reasearch.I wish I could have visited it when it was still in existance.

#43 mellilotflower

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Posted 26 April 2004 - 10:10 AM

I think some of your english could be tightened up a bit... you switched tense at one point, I think for effect- it still made sense but it didn't really sit well.
And you end a sentance prematurely at one point too...
I'm not sure it's a good idea to have hide Hallie's injury for so long... especially as you have so much internal dialogue going on- it might be interesting if you did extend the character dialogue that you also extend the internal one parallel with it, as more of a running commentary, as well as complaining about the big pain in her side.
I guess it would be hard to get in descriptions of Hallie- it being first person, but we could get them of Alex.
I loved the ending, the dispair and the irony with her childlike coping mechanisms and the lullaby sung by her would be killer.
And I love that you keep the whole thing open and full of questions :D
Keep it up

The point which I should first wish to understand is whether the pious or holy is beloved by the gods because it is holy, or holy because it is beloved of the gods.

Sonnet XCIVBut if that flower with base infection meet,The basest weed outbraves his dignity:For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds;Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds

#44 anasuya

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Posted 26 April 2004 - 12:03 PM

To me, it seemed to have happened entirely TOO quickly. And I can only say that because I write the exact same way.

Hey, why don't we open a thread somewhere for fiction??

Ana
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#45 Alsie R.

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Posted 26 April 2004 - 05:31 PM

you guys also have to realize that dialogues always been a problem for me. i can go on for three pages without writing any. i like details, telling what that persons thinking, describing the surroundings. i'm addicted to writing in the first person.
  i've been told by my english teachers lately that if i added more dialogue, it would help my writing so i've been trying harder than usual. and it probably shows!
thanks alot for the encouragement and the advice, its giving me something to work for.
A long, long time agoI can still rememberHow that music used to make me smileAnd I knew if I had my chanceThat I could make those people danceAnd maybe they'd be happy for a whileAmerican Pie, Don McLean~ carpe diem, seize the day, make your lives extraordinary.-dead poet's society i eat emo kids for breakfast. with french fried hash browns.




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