7 replies to this topic

[woebetide mourn]

Oh boy.
Hahaha..
If i ever wanted to pick an unending and extremely interesting topic, i should've sought out parenting a long time ago.
Wow..
There's SO much I've learned, and i haven't hardly covered 1/10000 of what there is to know about it.

Okay. So I'm seventeen right now, birthday being april 29th. And I'm 28 weeks and two days pregnant with a baby girl, who will be named Luna Estelle Lofland. And, yes, i'm extremely young, but I believe I'm going to be a great parent. And no, i wasn't one of those teens like in Baby Borrower's - I didn't want kids until I was atleast 35.

But when something becomes relevant to me that i don't know much about I have a habit of going all out to learn EVERYTHING about it. And i don't know how much more i could be prepared. I've read so much, so many books, magazine articles, internet articles, blogs of mothers, ideas about children by scientists. I'm talking TONS of information here. And I've got my birth plan for the hospital, i learned everything i could about everything that will happen and could happen so that they can consult me about decisions and i can have an educated opinion on it. I have my list of everything to bring with me to the hospital. (I did have a list of questions and concerns i wrote out, but it turned out that on the birth plan making websites most of what i asked about was mentioned.)

I still dont have everything for my baby, but i have the essentials and two baby showers coming up for all the rest. I've even studied tons (and i'd love to learn more if anyone knows of some books or websites) on child development and discipline. Such as, what they understand at certain ages, what forms of discipline work at certain ages, what milestones they'll hit. I really wan't to know what types of things to give them to play with, or to do with them, or talk about with them, or teach them at certain ages so that they can have the opportunity to develop as much as possible. I already know some things, but i wish there were just a guide.. lol. I'm planning all the way up to tweens. And i'll think about teen when i get there, because for some reason i can't imagine my baby being a teenager, where im at now.. haha..

I'm being really different than my family, which i've always managed to do.. See, they didn't plan like i have. They just said "we're going to raise them however works and just see how it turns out.' And though there isn't anything wrong with that, I can't imagine not having a plan or atleast some idea of how i want to bring my baby up and how i can do it.

I'm also planning other things as well. Like, i'll finish highschool this year. I might take a part-time job during school, or i might not, but i will take a job this next summer. (Dont have one now, no one will hire me pregnant -i've tried) And then I'll have college to go to, and i'll keep a part time job then for sure. Hopefully one at a vet clinic doing something (college to be a veterinarian). Money? My boyfriend, the father took a job as soon as we found out and we have a bunch of money saved for things Luna will need. And i have a very supportive family. I live with my grandparents and my grandmother will watch her while im at school. (And get paid to do so i believe by the state) And then we'll just try to make it as best as we can. Jake working his job, me working mine and eventually making a nice check from my career. Saving as much as we can for the perfect house so we can have what most want - That perfect house, perfect yard, perfect career, and financial security for the family.. (-:

The only things that worry me are my little cousins, (they can be brats!!) I dont want the way their parents let them go crazy and the way they act to effect the stricter way i want to raise my baby. That and my grandma trying to spoil her to death.. She already has TONs of toys - TONS! My grandma was online the other day and i had told her 'no more toys, the baby has enough for now. Christmas is just two months away from when she'll be born anyways.' And she was online begging me 'please, she needs a little faery doll, she NEEDS it.. It's so cute, just look at it.' I looked at the price.. $40.00. Yikes. I told her she didnt need it..

It seems though, the more i learn online, the more bad stuff i hear about. Sometimes i'll just sit and bawl worrying about everything that could go wrong. I'm a compulsive worrier. I always have been, before i would worry about, like, my grandmother dieing or getting hurt. And now that i have a baby on the way, and so many things could go wrong, im being alot worse.

I'm just so excited and ready at this point. I feel like i've learned so much that im overloaded with information. And i have my plans set and all thats left is for her to be here and for me to just try.

Ah.. crazyness, is it not?
I think i'll be a soccer mom. Hah, i never would've saw THAT coming.
-woe

[GhostCat]

Woe, first of all you don't sound like you are seventeen. You are so responsible, loving, enthusiastic and wanting to learn so much about the Luna now and in the future...wow. I am sure there are mothers on here that can give you tons of advice. Glad to know that you will continue to go to school and even on to college, that is SO important, for you and Luna. It is nice you have such a supportive family too. Don't worry about anything happening to your grandparents. The birth of Luna will be a whole new joy for them, and even will keep them living longer. Good luck, keep us informed and post pictures of her.....

[woebetide mourn]

Thank you very much. Yeah, I always planned to go to college. And although many might think since I'm having a baby so young and such that I wouldn't be as able to do it - But though it might make it tougher, it does make it all the more important that i do it. Because now it's not just me i have to think of. This can really turn out badly for teen moms, but I really think its turned out for the best, alot of people around me have noticed that I've become alot stronger and more driven since i found out. My family has been really great, and my boyfriends. Since he's living with his family, and I'm living with mine we've managed to get double of everything (lol) with all their help. Yeah, I never really had much of a reason to worry other than the fact that i just really care about them. What I need to figure out is something for Luna to call them besides Great Grandma and Great Grandpa because they said that makes them feel old.. lol.. They're only 57 and going to be great grandparents. Oi.

Of course i will! I'll probably flood the place with pictures of her.
Thanks Ghostcat.

-woe

[meanderer]

Woebetide,

I really am amazed by how much learning and planning you've been doing, in anticipation of your baby. Many people don't have that much preparation done by the time their babies are born; and here you are, months to go, and you seem 'on top of things'.

Of course, I wish nothing but health and happiness for you and your baby. I think you'll both do great!

Edited by meanderer, 02 August 2008 - 09:38 PM.

[woebetide mourn]

Thank you meanderer! I'm glad you think so, i hope all goes well. I'm hopin' to raise a little genious, maybe she'll end up developing technology for nasa or something.

Well i learned 14 easy signs to teach her today. Eat, Drink, More, Diaper, Mommy, Daddy, Bed, Help, Please, Thank you, Book, I love you, Milk, Dog. Baby sign language - great idea. You begin to teach them at 6 months. It's for the stage where they can understand what we say, but they still can't speak. So that instead of crying to get what they want, or crying because they're frustrated because we cant figure out what they want, they can sign for it.

Hmm..
-woe

Edited by woebetide mourn, 03 August 2008 - 05:16 AM.

[Kira]

Hi Woe,
Congratulations! Do you have the book What to Expect When You're Expecting? I'm pretty sure they have books that cover year 1, 2, 3 and so on in your baby's life. I think the titles are What to expect when your baby is 1, etc. Also, Dr. Spock's Baby and Childcare was my Bible the first year or so of my daughter's life and I think she turned out pretty well. He believes in the parent having control of the child, not the other way around, which seems to be so common today. He saved my life when my daughter started waking at 2 in the morning well after she had given up her night-time feedings. In 3 nights, she never woke up at night again after following his advice to the letter from the book. Remember, babies cry when they need something: love, food, diaper change, etc. You can't spoil an infant by picking them up each time they cry. In fact, the more you hold a baby, the more confident they become and will eventually not need to be picked up as often, (after age 3 or so). Stick to a four hour feeding schedule, unless you are going to breast feed, then I think it's every 2 hours (I didn't breast feed). If she cries in between feedings, she needs to be held or rocked, unless your doctor tells you otherwise.

Anyway, with all the research you've already done I'm sure you'll be fine. You will learn as your go along. It doesn't go by as quickly as you think, so you have plenty of time to learn what to do when each new stage comes along.

My best to you,
Kira

[AnnieV]

Congrats again, Woe! I think one of the most difficult things for a lot of new parents to understand is that every child is different. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, in my profession, I've seen it time and again where parents freak out about everything...all the little milestones their child is supposed to reach, behavior, feeding, discipline, etc, but what works for one doesn't always work for EVERYone. I've also seen it happen time and again where parents end up throwing everything they've learned about what they're supposed to do and how it's supposed to be right out the window, and been the better for it. Try to keep an open mind about raising your sweet little angel...and remember that things seldom go as planned

It's a very intimidating, and even scary, thing to have a baby...your whole life, your whole world, will change. From the moment that little bundle enters this world, life is no longer about you. But you are receiving a blessing that is like nothing else As long as you love that little girl more than life itself, and always try to do what's best for HER, you'll be at no fault. And it may sound a little silly, but follow your instincts. There's no stronger bond (imo) than the bond that a mother shares with her child, and that alone makes YOU the authority on your child...not all those authors of books and "experts" on parenting...no one is going to know what's better for her than YOU.

That being said, it is comforting if you have a good relationship with your own mother, or friends who already have children, so that you have someone to turn to with questions and concerns. And keep the dialogue between yourself and your baby's doctor open and free...ANYthing that concerns you in the least bit, you should talk about...not meaning you should rush to the ER everytime she hiccups though The way I have always thought of it...your baby is IRREPLACEABLE. Take the very best care of her that you can, helping her to learn and grow in a safe and loving environment, and I'm sure you'll make a wonderful mother!

“Making the decision to have a child...is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.” ~Elizabeth Stone

[woebetide mourn]

Kira, on Aug 3 2008, 08:00 PM, said:

Hi Woe,
Congratulations! Do you have the book What to Expect When You're Expecting? I'm pretty sure they have books that cover year 1, 2, 3 and so on in your baby's life. I think the titles are What to expect when your baby is 1, etc. Also, Dr. Spock's Baby and Childcare was my Bible the first year or so of my daughter's life and I think she turned out pretty well. He believes in the parent having control of the child, not the other way around, which seems to be so common today. He saved my life when my daughter started waking at 2 in the morning well after she had given up her night-time feedings. In 3 nights, she never woke up at night again after following his advice to the letter from the book. Remember, babies cry when they need something: love, food, diaper change, etc. You can't spoil an infant by picking them up each time they cry. In fact, the more you hold a baby, the more confident they become and will eventually not need to be picked up as often, (after age 3 or so). Stick to a four hour feeding schedule, unless you are going to breast feed, then I think it's every 2 hours (I didn't breast feed). If she cries in between feedings, she needs to be held or rocked, unless your doctor tells you otherwise.

Anyway, with all the research you've already done I'm sure you'll be fine. You will learn as your go along. It doesn't go by as quickly as you think, so you have plenty of time to learn what to do when each new stage comes along.

My best to you,
Kira

Yes I do. (-: I believe that's the book that my doctor gave me the first time I went to see her. Hm, I'll look those other's up, i never have enough to read. The parent having control.. Yeah, that's some of my inspiration for looking up all of these things about discipline and such, my little cousins know every button to press to get what they want with their parents - and i DON'T want to be there. Yeah, i read about why they cry. It's crazy, because apparently they can even cry for something as small as wanting to face a different direction. Yeah, my aunt's cousin has a baby girl and she gives her time alone each day in her room, though she's only maybe 18 months, so that she can learn to entertain herself instead of needing to constantly be played with. Thank you for the wisdom.

-woe

AnnieV, on Aug 3 2008, 09:19 PM, said:

Congrats again, Woe! I think one of the most difficult things for a lot of new parents to understand is that every child is different. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, in my profession, I've seen it time and again where parents freak out about everything...all the little milestones their child is supposed to reach, behavior, feeding, discipline, etc, but what works for one doesn't always work for EVERYone. I've also seen it happen time and again where parents end up throwing everything they've learned about what they're supposed to do and how it's supposed to be right out the window, and been the better for it. Try to keep an open mind about raising your sweet little angel...and remember that things seldom go as planned

It's a very intimidating, and even scary, thing to have a baby...your whole life, your whole world, will change. From the moment that little bundle enters this world, life is no longer about you. But you are receiving a blessing that is like nothing else As long as you love that little girl more than life itself, and always try to do what's best for HER, you'll be at no fault. And it may sound a little silly, but follow your instincts. There's no stronger bond (imo) than the bond that a mother shares with her child, and that alone makes YOU the authority on your child...not all those authors of books and "experts" on parenting...no one is going to know what's better for her than YOU.

That being said, it is comforting if you have a good relationship with your own mother, or friends who already have children, so that you have someone to turn to with questions and concerns. And keep the dialogue between yourself and your baby's doctor open and free...ANYthing that concerns you in the least bit, you should talk about...not meaning you should rush to the ER everytime she hiccups though The way I have always thought of it...your baby is IRREPLACEABLE. Take the very best care of her that you can, helping her to learn and grow in a safe and loving environment, and I'm sure you'll make a wonderful mother!

“Making the decision to have a child...is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.” ~Elizabeth Stone

Yeah, that's actually something i picked up on really fast. Because at many of the parenting websites i frequent there are tons of new parents on the forums worrying because all of the advice about parenting isn't working for them. And alot of the people who've written articles warn that every baby is different, like what you said. I can see where parents could take it out of proportion. But i just like the info handy as a general guide so i can know what i might expect at certain ages, not that im planning for my baby to suddenly begin to have the ability to roll a ball at her first birthday. I'm just generally clueless about what to expect, what to watch for. Like if she can follow items back and forth with her eyes working together, that's something that doesn't come naturally to a child, and something they have to learn to do - that's crazy, and i never would've thought about it otherwise.

I think i'll be fine. My grandmother has raise four children of her own, and then went through helping her two daughters with me, my brother, and then my baby cousins too. Lol, i already ask her so much it isn't even funny. Mostly about childbirth right now though. (Yikes!!) Thank you AnnieV. (:
I actually have some questions to bombard you with, i'll do it via pm though.

-woe