42 replies to this topic

[maharet]

I have a friend who is definitely a modern guy. He's a true gentleman without being at all cheauvenistic. If he didn't work in religious education for the Roman Catholic Church, not a priest either, then he would probably have long lines of women waiting to date him.

Ick feminazis! There's a huge difference between feminism and feminaziism from what I've seen from having to associate with feminazis: feminazis believe that they are superior to men where feminists believe in gender equality. There are parts of our society that still place women in an inferior position by law or by society but  I personally don't believe men are superior to women or vice-versa. Feminazis wrecked the feminist movement in my humble opinion.

Sometimes I think men attach a stigma to women to make themselves feel better if they screw up.  I've seen just as many men go fishing for compliments. It's also things like men assuming women have no interest in sports and can't understand why men do when I know lots of women sports fans. It's just a lot of things that men assume about women and that they can't understand why men are the way they are.  Like forgetting birthdays, for example. There's no excuse for that because I think most men can remember their sisters' birthdays or their mothers' birthdays. I always hear the excuse that only women are that anal about birthdays and significant dates.

The whole thing about all women being nurturing is a myth. Some, but not all, women are nurturing and it's pretty ridiculous to assume that. I've heard snide statements that women who aren't the nurturing types are lesbians or not real women. That's like saying a man who can't support his family all by himself on one income isn't a real man. It's outdated and sexist thinking.

Men and women need to be better communicators in a relationship. Being straight with each other is not old fashioned at all. The whole thing with the girlfriend asking the boyfriend if she looks fat in something. If guys don't care about that sort of thing and aren't paying attention it then they should say so. If they are paying attention and still don't care then they should say so too.

[KarenSue1973]

I will agree with you on that one.  Men and women need to communicate better.   My dad told me after my divorce that the person that you marry is your best friend and that is the most important thing in a marriage.

[whispers_of_fire]

Hi, Maharet, I agree on pretty much all your points, including the definition of Femenazi and have met quite a few, where the guy was mainly a drone in the dynamics of things, a castrated bit of window dressing. BUT, that is also the guy's fault for allowing himself to be treated like that or remain with the Femenazi*LOL*I agree, the fishing for compliments isn't sex related, its a matter of nurtured environment as the main cause*just my take on the matter*

MOST certainly, honest communication is essential in any
relationship as is getting away from the preconceptions,
be it of women in general or judging from the narrow scope of one's own experiences in relationships...or men
for that matter

Hi, KarenSue, I think you're right, the main person in your life should be among your best friends, maybe even among your bestest friends, because, I mean, what's the use of being with someone you can't trust? I do feel that each person needs to keep their best (est)friends and their own support structures 'lest things go amiss

[MoonChild]

Quote

H

MOST certainly, honest communication is essential in any
relationship as is getting away from the preconceptions,
be it of women in general or judging from the narrow scope of one's own experiences in relationships...or men
for that matter

BUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT COMMUNICATION, IS IT JUST PLAIN TALK? OR INFORMATION EXCHANGE? OR IS IT MORE?

In my opinion it is also understanding the other peron's feelings and moods before we pass on the information. There is no point in blurting out things to someone who may not be in a situation to take in it. Also there is no point in complaining "I told you so", in such a circumstance.

Any comments?

[KarenSue1973]

Its a lot more.  It telling the person how you feel about things.  Its telling them your deepest secrets. You talk to them more in depth than you do your close friends.

[mastermind73]

Chivalry is dead because women killed it.  Unfortunately (as with men) there are a few women out there who have ruined it (in my eyes at least) for everyone.  In my opinion there are several women out there who wait for a man to "treat them right" for no other reason than they know that any man who will open doors for them can easily be taken advantage of and "trained".

Don't get me wrong... I am a big fan of chivalry.  Just make sure you're doing it because YOU want to, not because she TOLD you to or TRAINED you to.

Complete honesty is not such a bad thing.  It may be ugly sometimes, but it's better than diluding yourselves.  My girlfriend only asks me if she looks good if she really wants to know.  She's not fishing for a compliment, she's making sure she doesn't look bad for a night out or a long day at work.

Just MY opinion.   ;D

[KarenSue1973]

I love it when a man opens a door for me.  I have a guy in my life and we fight over the fact that he calls me beautiful.  Its nice to hear that from time to time, but if a guy tells me that a little too much I begin to wonder what they are really after.

[Bridget]

Mastermind, I completely agree with you there. I never really dated a guy who opened doors for me (nor expected to), til i met my husband. And he did it, and i thought  it was the best thing! I did not "train" him to do it!
My husband does not compliment me every day Karen Sue, but when he does, it is because I ve gone to extra effort to make myself beautiful for him, like when we are going out for dinner, and he knows it. He would also tell me in a very diplomatic way that something is "not the most flattering to me, try the blue sweater instead, etc. that looks great on you".

But then sometimes, when i am in my pajames and my hair is all messed up he will say "I am awfully pretty." I love that about him.

[OwlGoddess]

bridget - that's super sweet that your husband likes you in your pj's!  my husband and i are both feminists - yes, that's right!  and we both love chivalry and good manners.  we open the doors for each other and joke round about it, and we have romantic dinners over candle light every night (with the occasional bottle of merlot!).  

being a very confident woman of size 16, five-foot-three, devil-may-care fashion, i don't need anyone to tell me that i look darned fabulous all the time.  (my shoes will tell you that much - wear fetching john fluevogs and who wouldn't call you fabulous??)  however, my husband being the amazing dude that he is, loves me for who i am and what i look like, and he's always saying embarrassing things like "your tummy is so cute!"  thanks, dear.  makes a girl feel good when it's a sweatshirt and gallon of ice cream kinda day.

however, i really disliked the guys that talked about other women like they were in a meat market.  saying nice things about women's bodies is more than fine - like "that lady is so sexy!"  most strong women wouldn't care about what you said about another woman's looks... UNLESS SHE'S FEELING LIKE SHE'S IN COMPETITION WITH THE WOMAN BEING TALKED ABOUT.

drew, getting back to your original post, you just shouldn't worry about that lady.  she needs to get over liking men who cheat - period.  end of report.  so long, bon voyage.  cheaters are not respectful partners, and should be the target of such remarks.  i'm afraid that your co-worker has a lot to learn about herself and men in general, and shouldn't worry about criticising a little help from you.

and to all you guys out there that love your girls for their fabulous selves, no matter what they eat, how much they work out, what they wear, or how small or large they are, KUDOS TO YOU for helping your woman love her body!!
OG

[whispers_of_fire]

Mastermind, I could concede to some of your points as I know a few of Chivalry's murderesses,I can see Femenism to a point but not to the point where the woman feels she's being disrespected if a little courtesy's extended*snickers*
those are the ones you want to take camping and swat with a bush or tree limb and explain "I didn't want you to feel incapable of holding it yourself" ;D

OG, It sounds like you and Dr Owl are a really good match, courtesy is a negotiation and neither person should feel as though they're slighted or less of a person because someone held a door open

[KarenSue1973]

Wow OG!  I will have to remember a few of those lines!  Have you ever consider going into the Psychology field?  You would be great at it!

[MoonChild]

Quote

Have you ever consider going into the Psychology field?  You would be great at it!

Freudian Owl!  

[OwlGoddess]

aww, shucks ks & mr moonchild!  i've never considered a line of work outside of visual art, but i have read quite a bit of psychology in connection to my tarot study... that, and i dated a psychology grad student for three years before i met my husband.  boy, did he have a lot of hang-ups!  

the thing to always, always remember, boys and girls, is to respect yourself - look out for your feelings and those of others - and steer clear of manipulation!  the road beyond is filled with good surprises!
OG