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Rules to give to your boss


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#1 lulaboo

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Posted 24 September 2005 - 07:23 AM

Rules For Work: (Should go over well with your boss.)
Print it out and hang it over your work station...I dare ya!

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
Is it Peeps season yet?Gallon of citronella oil--$5.95Having said oil blessed by local Catholic priest--FreeThe look on a psychic vampires face after you douse it with blessed oil and call it a psychic mosquito--Priceless!!!There are some things money can't buy...A good imagination is one of them

#2 kats_god

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Posted 24 September 2005 - 07:38 AM

I think I'll put these to good use today.
Check out my artwork at:http://www.jimdemick.com/
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"There are some things money can't buy...A good imagination is one of them

#3 kats_god

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Posted 15 May 2007 - 06:09 AM

My new boss needs these told to him.
Check out my artwork at:http://www.jimdemick.com/
and on Facebook
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"There are some things money can't buy...A good imagination is one of them

#4 Mark London

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Posted 15 May 2007 - 06:37 AM

Very good, I emailed my colleagues !

#5 thedragonwalker

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Posted 19 January 2010 - 06:31 PM

Very good, I emailed my colleagues !

I e-mailed my co-workers (the ones with a sense of humor anyhow) this and got a few suggestions to add! LOL!
"I Aim to Misbehave" - Capt. Malcom Reynolds, Serenity "A Witch is Always a Lady, Unless Circumstances Dictate Otherwise" - Eglantine Price, Bedknobs and Broomsticks

#6 Aesalon

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Posted 19 January 2010 - 08:07 PM

Print it out and hang it over your work station...I dare ya!


Done! :)

-Stephen G.

Co-founder of Fly By Night Paranormal Investigations.

Based in Omaha, NE with a chapter in Dallas /Ft. Worth, TX. FBN is primarily a paranormal research team with a focus on classical 'haunting phenomena.' 

Please visit our website at www.fbnparanormal.net or find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook...NightParanormal


#7 LycanGhost

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Posted 21 January 2010 - 11:09 AM

GOd, I'd email this to Tom (the highest up in my job), but he'd fire me for it! Bob (second in command) might get a chuckle out if it, but I doubt it. So funny, though!

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#8 kats_god

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Posted 07 February 2010 - 12:27 PM

Boo always found the funny stuff. :P
Check out my artwork at:http://www.jimdemick.com/
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"There are some things money can't buy...A good imagination is one of them

#9 kats_god

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Posted 11 November 2011 - 11:42 PM

I love this. Im printing them out. Thank you Boo.
Check out my artwork at:http://www.jimdemick.com/
and on Facebook
Posted Image https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Art-of-Jim-Demick/261669903877527

Posted ImagePosted Image

"There are some things money can't buy...A good imagination is one of them




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