I wasn't sure where else to put this, so I just kind of added it to this board. I believe in the paranormal. I have for my whole life. But that's not why I'm asking if I'm weird. Its in the way that I started believing, and all the things I can't really be sure of. The first thing I guess I should say is that I have been seeing things, but it hasn't just been recently. It's been for basically my whole life. Since I was a little girl I've been able to see "Gabriel".
Now Gabriel isn't a person. He's a cat, kind of. He's a dark color (can't be sure which, but he resembles a Russian Blue) and he's not really the same size. Whenever I feel scared of uncomfortable he grows in size to fit the situation. The largest I've ever "seen" him is about the size of an adult male lion. Gabriel is also only ever seen out of the corner of my eye.
I've owned one cat before, but she was a tabby and much smaller than even the smallest I've seen him. It's been several years since she died, but I've pretty much ruled out it being her spirit following me around. For one, Gabriel's color seems to shimmer and change just slightly in the light. For another, its been years since I first saw him.
I saw Gabriel a lot when I was younger. We would play together and I would always tell my mom about "the cat" that I saw. She of course asked me what this cat's name one, to which I replied "He hasn't told me yet". Now I am Christian, so it doesn't surprise me that the name I was told is "Gabriel", which I believe (could be wrong) is the name of the Arch Angel that came to the Virgin Mary and told her that she was going to have a son. While the name doesn't really surprise me now, it seems like an odd choice for a child, especially one like me. My faith wasn't strong until a few years ago, and by then I felt I had proof that god existed. (I don't mean to start any religion wars either, simply trying to explain why I feel its so strange). So if this is the case, why did a child with little to no connection to the faith of her parents decide to christen the cat with this name? Apparently Gabriel was the one who told me his name.
Of course, growing up in a strict Christian household (at least my father and grandparents were), I was told he was a demon and I needed to cast him out. This was during my Kindergarten years, and by the time I had turned 13 I no longer had any recollection of these events. My mother however did. It was about the age of 13 where I started having dreams.
In these dreams I would follow this cat out to different areas of town. The place where I used to live had a railroad running down the middle of town, splitting off the north and south sides, and also an air force base. I would follow the cat to the railroad, or other old historic sites in town, and there I would see people roaming around, trying to talk to me. I could never really hear them, but they knew I was there and seemed desperate to talk to me. Gabriel would let them come up, but whenever I saw someone or something that scared me, or that seemed like it wanted to hurt me, Gabriel would chase them off, becoming much larger.
In these dreams I would often also see an albino squirrel. They're not the kind you see around my home, and I couldn't have named the (breed?) if I tried. However whenever I saw this squirrel I'd just feel a deep sense of calm and wake up, perfectly fine. These kinds of dreams freaked me out at first, enough where I had trouble sleeping. Now I just have trouble dreaming. I can't have normal dreams. When I do dream I see these kinds of things.
When I woke up, I'd be able to tell my mom exactly where this happened. I could tell her what street it was on and what store or building it was located next to. Needless to say, this surprised my mother. There's a reason for that. I'm horrible with names. I can hardly remember and keep straight the names of friends that I've known for years. When people ask for directions I can't give them street names, I give them landmarks to go off of. You can see now why my mom was surprised when I could just blurt out exactly what street, intersection, and address that these dreams happened on. It was like it was burned into my mind.
That's when I first started talking to my mom about it again. I asked her if anything like this had happened before, and she told me that yes, it had. She told me about Gabriel and how we used to play, the things I told her. She also told me that one day I stopped seeing him because I didn't want to see him. It wasn't until I got into middle school and started seeing ghost investigation shows on tv for the first time that I realized that I was interested in the paranormal. That's when the activity with Gabriel started up again.
That's when I started trying to find out more. I talked to my friends who were pagans (well they fall under that umbrella) and wiccan, trying to figure out what they thought of it. I had always been a rather open minded Christian, and I had tried to figure out if he was a demon. Only Gabriel didn't seem like an evil or destructive spirit. He just seemed attached to me, following me around and showing things that I couldn't understand in my dreams.
One of them suggested that I was a spirit walker because of my native american ancestry, only this doesn't really match up with their definition of it. Also they said Gabriel might be my spirit guide or animal familiar, mostly because of my Celtic and native american blood. I can't really be sure of that either. I haven't really ever told a lot of people about Gabriel because of this, because I can't explain him and I don't know what he is. I know that he makes me feel safe. I have countless stories I could tell you about my encounters with Gabriel and ghosts, but I won't say them all here. It would be way too long.
The unnamed squirrel was explained to me as a possible connection to "the light". As my friend put it, apparently when I dream and follow Gabriel, he takes me to places where ghosts need help, where they're looking for someone to realize they're there. Like the train tracks (where so many people have died stalling on them or walking down them, the general death stories you hear around them really). Apparently when I get so scared where Gabriel has to defend me I would find this squirrel who would safely wake me up from the situation.
I still see him. Except now it's not just in dreams. I can see him out of the corner of my eye again, but he's slowly growing father and father into the center of my vision. Sometimes I can feel him, a warmth and small weight where nothing is there, a comforting warmth when I'm sad or depressed, or other things. I'm not scared of him, just confused. I want to figure out what's going on. Its not like he's evil or something I feel I should fear. Its kind of like how you know you can trust a dog you've raised from a puppy to not bite you I guess. He's not exactly a pet. He's too intelligent.
He also "speaks" to me, if it could be called that. He doesn't actually talk, but when he's looking at me sometimes I sense words, I sense things. He feels very wise and very old, like he's existed forever, yet he keeps following me around. Maybe its because I can see him? He's only ever once "told" me that I needed to help the people he was showing me, though I don't know how.
I'm still Christian, and he hasn't affected my faith. That's not why I'm asking. Anyone whose had their beliefs shaken by something they've seen can probably understand what I mean by that. I've also tried ruling different things out. I've always had the kind of mind that likes to make up stories, which is why I want to be an author. But I've never before imagined feeling something that wasn't here, or seeing something almost constantly that I couldn't explain. Seeing Gabriel has almost become an everyday occurrence. Its almost like, the more I acknowledge him, the more he becomes part of me and my life.
I've tried to rule out spirits around me, but I've never had a spirit attached to me for long (I think Gabriel runs them off). And I've never lived in a haunted house or place where paranormal activity has happened (again, Gabriel could contribute to that). In reality, I haven't found a single logical way to explain to myself what's going on, except by looking into the realm of the paranormal (which some people may explain as illogical anyway). And even then I can't really find the answers I need.
I'm apparently not the only one. My mom could see spirits at a young age (though her family was even more strict that mine is and she lost the ability all together to avoid getting in trouble). My older sister as well apparently has the ability to speak to ghosts in dreams, actually talk to them and hold conversations. Maybe my family is just really tuned into the spirit world?
So really I guess I'm just asking you guys what you know, and anything you think might help me figure out what's going on and the things I've been seeing. Do you guys think I'm crazy or weird? I can't explain what's been going on, and I really just need some answers.