Home from the beach
Posted 14 August 2007 - 10:39 PM
Please wish me luck and a favorable resolution to my current troubles. I'll "see" you all early next week.
I embark on this trip with love and everlasting gratitude to everyone who has been praying for me this last week, you've kept me afloat (pun intended).
Posted 14 August 2007 - 10:41 PM
Take my hand and we'll go riding through the sunshine from above
Posted 14 August 2007 - 10:58 PM
Have a good visit with your Dad. I know you'll come back re-newed! Just something about the ocean to clear the head and wash away the negative cobwebs.
Posted 15 August 2007 - 12:01 AM
Posted 15 August 2007 - 12:06 AM
Have fun at the beach.... and good luck!!
Posted 15 August 2007 - 12:06 AM
Posted 15 August 2007 - 04:22 AM
Sitting on the beach sounds so awesome right now. Wish I could stowaway in ur bag.
I hope you have a wonderful time. You deserve it.
Posted 15 August 2007 - 10:32 AM
Angel, I'll be there in 3 hours, don't forget the sunblock and a great book! LOL
PS: I'm sure I over-packed. I even brought all my crystals thinking that it will be good to cleanse them in real salt water and let them recharge in the sun. Ok, that's really it, I'm off! Bon Voyage.
Posted 15 August 2007 - 11:29 AM
Posted 15 August 2007 - 10:08 PM
I hope you have a wonderful, healing time with your dad! You deserve a nice little break, here, to re-group and re-focus. So proud of you! Have a great time.
The ocean has always been the most healing place for me. My favorite spot is the ocean at Seal Rocks near San Francisco. I went there during a troubling time in my life and watched the seals clinging to the rocks - very poignant moment. The ocean always puts everything in perspective.
My best to you,
Posted 21 August 2007 - 08:06 PM
I'm back from my visit with my dad at the beach. I did a lot of crying, a lot of soul searching, made some great decisions, but I didn't get a tan.
To begin, there was only one beach day while I was at The Cape. I think my higher power had a hand in that because what I really needed to was to talk to my dad, and I'm not one to talk openly on the beach with lots of people around. Strange as that seems as I am so open here, but actually having people listen to my conversations is not something I invite. So we spent our time at the beach house with dad listening and offering amazing advice and insight, while I cried, listened, cried, talked, cried, cried and cried some more. My dad, as I may have mentioned previously is a retired professor of social work. The golden rule as he puts it is, "one should never social work his own children." However, in this case it was badly needed and he's an excellent therapist. Not 100% objective, as I am his daughter, but pretty close! We made lots of progress.
We covered all the topics, my career, my house, my debt, my divorce, and the most difficult perhaps for both of us, my mother, who is his ex-wife.
Career: For a myriad of reasons I've decided teaching is not for me. It's been difficult for me since I began as a teacher's aide in 1998, Connecticut is saturated with history teachers, there are usually a minimum of 50 applicants for every one opening in the state. The fact that I actually got 3 interviews and 2 callbacks is a miracle. But I didn't get the jobs and there are reasons that I will keep private. Suffice it to say that the teaching community is very small and word of mouth is everything. I made some mistakes a few years ago, and while not officially in my record; there are rumors, nothing selacious. So when I asked my guides what career path I should choose, I kept hearing law. And I remembered that whenever anyone asked me if I could do it all over again what would I do, I always said I wished I had gone to law school after I got my BA. Well, I can't go to law school at this point, so I've decided to get my paralegal certificate. I emailed with my attorney on Monday, who told me that with my education and background in teaching history and government, I will be very high on many of the law firms recruiting lists once I get the certificate. The starting salary is not as high as I was making before, but I'll catch up in a few years. The course begins at the end of September and ends in mid December. It meets every other weekend from 9-5 both days, the price is right, and it is only a 13 mile drive door to door. I checked the classified ads in Sunday's paper and there are lots of openings for paralegals in law firms and businesses. In the meantime, I can work at anything I choose that doesn't involve weekends to make ends meet.
My house and debt: He's going to help me until I get on my feet. I told him the whole (well almost) ugly truth of it, and he shared with me that a few years back when my brother was in a similar situation with a mortgage and a new wife, he carried him through, so of course he will do it for me. I was unaware of how much he's actually $$$helped$$$ my brother. I cried of course out of gratitude and shame. I feel that I brought most of this on myself by making BAD decisions, but he didn't care; he just said he wants to help and couldn't live with himself if he didn't. I will never be able to thank him enough. It'll be tight and I'm not out of the woods, but I don't have to sell my home, get a roommate, or sell off my furniture peice by peice as I was imagining. What a huge relief!!!!
Divorce: Well, he despises my ex-husband anyway and puts all the blame on him. While I agree that marriage #2 was a HUGE mistake, I can't hold on to resentments and anger like he wants me to. What's done is done, and I have to pick up the peices and move on. Most of all I have to learn from this experience and 1) NEVER take him back under any circumstances, 2) NEVER get into a relationship again with a man who doesn't work, among other problems 3) Take responsibility for my actions as well. But I do know that hanging on to anger, resentments and judging others will only hurt my spirit in the long run and nothing good will come of it for my life. Dad isn't spiritual in that sense and doesn't see it.
Last, but certainly not least, Mother: She left a path of destruction in her wake. She devestated him, hurt her children and is basically just a mean, scared old woman who has never had the courage to go to therapy and work out her childhood ordeals. I have a lot of anger towards her at the moment and I'm not ready to deal with those emotions yet. But, when the time is right I will, just not now.
So I think I've written enough. I know many of you were thinking of me and praying for me and I can't tell you how much it has helped knowing and feeling your support.
I'm going to be ok!
Posted 21 August 2007 - 09:37 PM
Glad things went well for you and they will get better!
Been down that road myself...and it does....eventually...lol.
Hang in there like the rest of us and life will keep us going!
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