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TGIF--Time to laugh 2


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#106 Flormarina

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Posted 07 August 2007 - 04:08 PM

:clap:
Posted ImageFlormarinaIf you got something to tell the world, write a book....

#107 Kira

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Posted 08 August 2007 - 09:30 AM

Las Vegas Churches


THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE
MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.


NOT
SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS
RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.

SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.

THE CHURCHES SENDS ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.






THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS...!.:clap:

YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU ?
GOTCHA !!
The Power of 8 Make Your Wishes Come True!<-Click Here Now

#108 MoonChild

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 06:13 PM

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#109 MoonChild

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 06:56 PM

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to
me when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't
forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"


The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I
don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm driving."
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#110 Laurie Ann

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 10:11 PM

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***This works for women as well***
~Women are angels...and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We're flexible like that.~

#111 Laurie Ann

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    Your imagination IS running off with you!

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Posted 12 August 2007 - 10:19 PM

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~Women are angels...and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We're flexible like that.~

#112 Flormarina

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Posted 13 August 2007 - 10:14 AM

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:clap:
Posted ImageFlormarinaIf you got something to tell the world, write a book....

#113 Laurie Ann

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    Your imagination IS running off with you!

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Posted 19 August 2007 - 07:08 PM

To the women reading this...you will get a kick out of it.
To the men reading this....I know you have a sense of humor and can take it.
Enjoy the laughs.
**************************************************************

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-
shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"


"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"


He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "


And they say blondes are dumb...


-----------------------------------------------------------


A couple is lying in bed. The man says,


"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."


The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."


-----------------------------------------------------------


"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out
of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?"


"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.


-----------------------------------------------------------


Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?


A: A rumor


-----------------------------------------------------------


A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and
said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have
one wish.


The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.


Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.


The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...


Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!


Gotta love that fairy!




Q: Why do little boys whine?


A: They are practicing to be men.


-----------------------------------------------------------


Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?


A: Trustworthy.


-----------------------------------------------------------


Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?


A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.


-----------------------------------------------------------


Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?


A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.


Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?


A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
~Women are angels...and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We're flexible like that.~

#114 peepers

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Posted 19 August 2007 - 09:07 PM

Someone sent me this recently...

2008 Democratic National Convention Schedule

Schedule of Events


7:00 PM ~ Opening flag burning
7:15 PM ~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N.
7:20 PM ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25 PM ~ Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton
7:45 PM ~ Ceremonial tree hugging
7:55 PM ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:00 PM ~ How I Invented the Internet - Al Gore
8:15 PM ~ Gay Wedding Planning - Barney Frank presiding
8:35 PM ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:40 PM ~ Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry
9.00 PM ~ Memorial service for Saddam and his sons - Cindy Sheehan and Susan
Sarandon
10:00 PM ~ "Answering Machine Etiquette" - Alec Baldwin
11:00 PM ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:05 PM ~ Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund -
Barbara Streisand
11:15 PM ~ Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay - Sean Penn
11:30 PM ~ Oval Office Affairs - William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 PM ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:50 PM ~ How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers - Howard Dean
12:15 am ~ "Truth in Broadcasting Award" - Presented to Dan Rather by
Michael Moore
12:25 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:30 am ~ Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am ~ Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:05 am ~ Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton
1:30 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:35 am ~ Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home
Yes.... I've gone behind the camera"s"..... as well as recording audio........ Love....Breed peace.....

#115 MoonChild

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Posted 23 August 2007 - 09:14 AM

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#116 ChrisR

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Posted 25 August 2007 - 03:52 PM

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian border policeman stops them and tells them "It'sa illegal to putta 5 people in a Quattro."
"Idiot! Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.
"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile" the Germans retort unbelievingly. "Look at ze papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons."
"You canta pull thata one on me!" replies the policeman. "Quatrro meansa four. You have five people ina your car and you are therefor breaka the law."
The German driver replies angrily. "Swine! Call your zupervisor over. I vant to speak to someone mit more intelligence!"
"Ima sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come. He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

_____________________________________________________

The lone Ranger and Tonto go camping in the desert. After they get their tent up, both fall sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says. "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what do you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies. " I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asks Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorlogically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo ****.
Someone stole the tent."
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#117 MoonChild

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Posted 28 August 2007 - 01:32 PM

There was a little old lady, who every morning. stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD!"
One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little old lady.
Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: "THERE IS NO LORD!"

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day. One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I
have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord! The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.
"PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out. "HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!"

The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted: "THERE IS NO LORD. I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!"

The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!
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#118 MoonChild

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Posted 10 September 2007 - 01:39 AM

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do Not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"
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#119 MoonChild

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Posted 22 September 2007 - 04:31 PM

A man is fibbing away about how great things are in his country. Finally, he starts describing the tall buildings in his country.
"There is a building so tall, it took my friend Alex 72 hours to fall off it!"
"Oh, my God!" says his friend. "Surely he must have died!"
"Of course. He was without food or water for 3 days!"
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#120 Flormarina

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Posted 22 September 2007 - 06:00 PM

A man is fibbing away about how great things are in his country. Finally, he starts describing the tall buildings in his country.
"There is a building so tall, it took my friend Alex 72 hours to fall off it!"
"Oh, my God!" says his friend. "Surely he must have died!"
"Of course. He was without food or water for 3 days!"


Good one :clap:
Posted ImageFlormarinaIf you got something to tell the world, write a book....




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