175 replies to this topic

[LycanGhost]

MoonChild, on 29 April 2012 - 04:23 AM, said:

His wife came home last week and shouted excitedly.

"Quick, pack your bags; I've won £20 million on the National Lottery".

"Where are we going" he asked.

She replied :

"We ........... just pack your bags and get out you useless man".

lol

[MoonChild]

An 80-year old Parsi goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,
"How do you stay in such great physical condition?"

"I'm a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways."

"Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"

"Who said, my dad's dead?"

The doctor is amazed. "You are 80 years old and your dad's still alive.. How old is he?"

"He's 103 years old," says the old golfer. "In fact he golfed with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive . . he's a golfer too!!"

"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"

"Who said my grandpa's dead?"

Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather is still living!? Incredible, how old is he?"

"He's 128 years old," says the old golfer. The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"

"No..... Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today."

At this point the doctor is close to losing it, "Getting married! Why would a 128 year-old guy want to get married in the first place?"

"Who said he wanted to? The bride is pregnant...SO HE HAS TO !!!!!!!

[MoonChild]

[MoonChild]

[MoonChild]

[LycanGhost]

lol Love those! Saw them on Fb, but they're still hilarious!

[MoonChild]

I got some from FB as well.

[MoonChild]

[no1plumbrr]

good one..... well its 15 minutes till midnight, so mine as well kick off Friday

[MoonChild]

[MoonChild]

Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."

The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."

LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLE: "It made of concrete."

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No, we have carport, and not need one."

LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations still in Poland."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."

LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I always up before her."

LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLE: "No, she white."

LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me."

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof.

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on ! shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say, 'Polish Remover'."

Edited by MoonChild, 12 May 2013 - 06:58 AM.