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A friend passed away today


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#1 Guest_Rinyotsu_*

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Posted 28 September 2007 - 07:51 PM

I was riding my bike to the square (center of the town) and I passed the robotics shop and saw my friends standing around outside, they beckoned me to come over. When I got over there, I was told that one of the mentors of the team had passed away. I feel ashamed because when told this news, I did not cry, I couldn't muster a single tear til I got home when only one was shed.

But another reason I feel ashamed is because when i woke up this morning, and throughout the day I had a bad feeling about something. I thought it was because I heard my friends that I sit at lunch with planing to sit in a circle without a table. The feeling I had was so strong infact, it nearly affected my schoolwork today. I never would have guessed that this was going to happen.

As I was getting ready to leave, I heard one of the robotics members that just arrived say "It doesn't feel real does it?" In a calm voice, the others were talking and laughing, probably trying to comfort themselves.

It truely doesn't feel real when it happens to you. I feel lost, I don't know what to do, what I should do when I see my friends again.
As I type this, it has sunk in, the reality of losing a friend. I was asked when I left to tell my mom, I just don't feel I can do that.

#2 spooksareus

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Posted 28 September 2007 - 08:02 PM

I was riding my bike to the square (center of the town) and I passed the robotics shop and saw my friends standing around outside, they beckoned me to come over. When I got over there, I was told that one of the mentors of the team had passed away. I feel ashamed because when told this news, I did not cry, I couldn't muster a single tear til I got home when only one was shed.

But another reason I feel ashamed is because when i woke up this morning, and throughout the day I had a bad feeling about something. I thought it was because I heard my friends that I sit at lunch with planing to sit in a circle without a table. The feeling I had was so strong infact, it nearly affected my schoolwork today. I never would have guessed that this was going to happen.

As I was getting ready to leave, I heard one of the robotics members that just arrived say "It doesn't feel real does it?" In a calm voice, the others were talking and laughing, probably trying to comfort themselves.

It truely doesn't feel real when it happens to you. I feel lost, I don't know what to do, what I should do when I see my friends again.
As I type this, it has sunk in, the reality of losing a friend. I was asked when I left to tell my mom, I just don't feel I can do that.



My dear young friend, I'm sorry for your loss.

Please don't beat yourself up about how you are affected by the loss of a person you care about, relax and let yourself be for awhile. If this is your first such loss I gotta tell ya' that the way you are behaving is quite normal for a lot of young people (as well as old farts like myself).

No reason for shame, take it easy on yourself,

Spooks

"It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about, nowadays, saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true." -Oscar Wilde “The Picture of Dorian Gray”


#3 Kira

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Posted 28 September 2007 - 08:10 PM

Riny I'm sorry to hear of the loss of one of your friends. Like Spooks said, don't beat yourself up about anything you did, didn't do, may do, feel, do not feel, etc. Everyone processes death in their own way and time. There is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of someone close to us. Sometimes the death of a total stranger can be harder on us than the death of someone we know. It doesn't make sense; it is the way it is.

You do not have to feel guilty and you do not have to stop your life. Those who have passed don't want your life and laughter to stop. If you are not feeling anything now, it may hit you at the funeral, or not. Also try not to be hard on anyone else as to how you feel they are handling this. We are all individuals and deal with situations differently.

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#4 Guest_Rinyotsu_*

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Posted 28 September 2007 - 08:26 PM

I understand, I knew I would be told not to feel guilty and I also knew I need to hear it.
My mom came upstairs to go to the restroom, when she got out she came in to tell me about the show and noticed my eyes were red and bloodshot and asked if I had been crying, my mouth spoke before my mind could think and told her. I and feeling better now that I got it out and told somebody. But I doubt I will be the same anymore. I have been hearing about so many deaths lately, I didn't know the affect it would have on me.
One thought that races through my mind if how will deal with this at school? How will I stop myself from crying in the middle of class when I think of this?
And to think I was playing tag with my Yorkie a few minutes upon hearing the news.
My mom said she will get information on the funeral.

#5 GhostCat

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Posted 28 September 2007 - 08:54 PM

So sorry to hear this. Don't be ashamed about not shedding a tear when you heard the news. Shock does this and everyone responds emotionally to death differently. As for others talking and laughing about it, it is in no way disrespectful, people just show their emotions in differrent ways, especially so at a young age. Have you ever been to a funeral/wake? If not, it may be kind of shocking if it is open casket.
As for school.....you and/or your parents might want to talk to the principal who would speak to your teachers. If you felt some uneasiness in class, it would be ok to just walk out. Your parents should feel ok too if you need a couple days off from school.
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#6 Kira

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Posted 28 September 2007 - 09:03 PM

If the person who died was connected to your school or community in some way then there will probably be some grief counselors at school tomorrow. That's what they do in my state anyway. Whenever a teacher, student, or someone connected to the school passes away, the school sets up counseling sessions for a few days to a week for students to talk about their feelings.
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#7 Tantric Kitten

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Posted 28 September 2007 - 09:12 PM

Riny I'm sorry to hear of the loss of one of your friends. Like Spooks said, don't beat yourself up about anything you did, didn't do, may do, feel, do not feel, etc. Everyone processes death in their own way and time. There is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of someone close to us. Sometimes the death of a total stranger can be harder on us than the death of someone we know. It doesn't make sense; it is the way it is.

You do not have to feel guilty and you do not have to stop your life. Those who have passed don't want your life and laughter to stop. If you are not feeling anything now, it may hit you at the funeral, or not. Also try not to be hard on anyone else as to how you feel they are handling this. We are all individuals and deal with situations differently.

Kira


I could not have said it better. Dear one, please know that we are thinking of you and that we do care... I am so sorry for your loss.

#8 Guest_Rinyotsu_*

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Posted 28 September 2007 - 09:30 PM

So sorry to hear this. Don't be ashamed about not shedding a tear when you heard the news. Shock does this and everyone responds emotionally to death differently. As for others talking and laughing about it, it is in no way disrespectful, people just show their emotions in differrent ways, especially so at a young age. Have you ever been to a funeral/wake? If not, it may be kind of shocking if it is open casket.
As for school.....you and/or your parents might want to talk to the principal who would speak to your teachers. If you felt some uneasiness in class, it would be ok to just walk out. Your parents should feel ok too if you need a couple days off from school.

I know for a fact that their laughing was not disrespectful. The whole team respected him greatly.
The only other time I have ever been to a funeral, was when my dad died a little over a decade ago and i don't remember anything from it other than seeing a coffin in front of us and we stayed behind a wall i think.
I am starting to feel better, in more control. One think that has helped was watching my favorite anime, Zoids.
This year in robotics is going to be much different without him. He will be missed. I feel I will be okay with school, if I forget about this during school I should be fine. He helped me become what I am today and I won't let that go to waste, I feel somehow that he would want that.

#9 ravenhecate

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Posted 29 September 2007 - 12:45 AM

Sometimes people don't react to their grief with tears. I did not cry when my brother was murdered. I guess I felt I had to be strong for my parents. I was the one who did most of the calling of friends and family to break the news. THAT was a horrible job. But as others have said, you cannot beat yourself up over that. Each person reacts differently, and not everyone cries. And you may find that the tears may come once the shock has worn off.
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#10 meanderer

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Posted 29 September 2007 - 08:28 AM

Sometimes people don't react to their grief with tears. I did not cry when my brother was murdered. I guess I felt I had to be strong for my parents. I was the one who did most of the calling of friends and family to break the news. THAT was a horrible job. But as others have said, you cannot beat yourself up over that. Each person reacts differently, and not everyone cries. And you may find that the tears may come once the shock has worn off.


Exactly!
I was 17 when my mother died (my father died when I was 3), but I don't remember actually reacting to it until several months later. There really isn't a guide on how to react to a person's death. It's up to the individual. You shouldn't feel obliged to react a certain way. Don't gauge your sense of loss by other people.
Beannacht ort

#11 spooksareus

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Posted 29 September 2007 - 09:56 AM

This year in robotics is going to be much different without him. He will be missed. I feel I will be okay with school, if I forget about this during school I should be fine. He helped me become what I am today and I won't let that go to waste, I feel somehow that he would want that.


:hug: Good stuff kiddo, that is very wise of you...

"It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about, nowadays, saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true." -Oscar Wilde “The Picture of Dorian Gray”


#12 kats_god

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Posted 29 September 2007 - 06:58 PM

I'm sorry to hear of your loss
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#13 Redhead

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Posted 30 September 2007 - 01:02 PM

My condolences, Riny. Just remember that we each grieve in our own way. There is no right way to grieve. There is no time table to grief, either. It takes as long as it takes. You may not cry right now, but someday, when you least expect it, you may start to weep for no reason. That will be the time that you grieve for your lost friend. This is a very personal thing you are going through right now, and it will happen in its own way. Just don't isolate yourself - continue to speak with your parents about your feelings and you'll be just fine.
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#14 BellaRose

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Posted 30 September 2007 - 02:53 PM

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Hi Rinyotsu,
I am So very sorry to hear of your loss...
GOD Bless
GODSPEED
,
~Rose

#15 Tantric Kitten

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Posted 01 October 2007 - 12:50 PM

I was thinking of you this weekend.

Yesterday I found out that a friend of a friend (my best gf's good friend of many years -- someone I didn't know but knew a LOT about) passed away last week and she found out on Saturday from the friend's mother.

I spent the whole afternoon with her (to make sure she was OK) and much of what she said echoed your feelings of guilt over not having cried yet.

I hope you are feeling a little more "normal" and beginning your personal grieving process. If it is still all unreal, don't worry... it will come in its own time and in its own way. [hugs]




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