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Why Deer Hunters Use Bows or Guns ....... LOL

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#1 Atropa belladonna

Atropa belladonna

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Posted 17 December 2008 - 12:19 PM

Borrowed from another board.
I could not stop laughing or crying as I read this.

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a
stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and
eat it.
The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I
figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to
have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come
right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the
truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it
and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and
transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my
rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well
back. They were not having any of it.
After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I
picked out.. ..a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the
feeder, and threw.. my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.
I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I
would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but
you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.
I took a step towards it..it took a step away. I put a little
tension on the rope and then received an education.
The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just
stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to
action when you start pulling on that rope.
That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is
a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight
range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.
A deer-- no chance.
That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was
no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked
me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to
me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I
had originally imagined.
The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as
many other animals .
A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as
quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took
me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the
blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost
my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil
creature off the end of that rope.
I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around
its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the
time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment,
I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was
Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where
I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against
various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still
think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I
shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in,
so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed
to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little
trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.
I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could
get my rope back.
Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million
years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very
surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer
grabbed hold of my wrist.
Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a
horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and
shakes its head --almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.
The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to
freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My
method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for
several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.
I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning
that claim by now), tricked it.
While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm,
I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was
when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.
Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear
right up on the ir back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level,
and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago
that, when an animal -- like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves
and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a
loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal.
This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can
This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such
trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a
different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run..
The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run
from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will
hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from
horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil,
because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the
head and knocked me down.
Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not
immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger
has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down
on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and
covering your head.
I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went
So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a
rifle with a scope to sort of even the odds.

Time exists so everything doesn't happen at once.Space exists so everything doesn't happen to you.*

Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.*-- Scottish Proverb

#2 meanderer


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Posted 17 December 2008 - 01:51 PM

:lol: My god...that was so funny! I was laughing so hard, my face hurts! Thanks for the chuckle! That was great! :)

Beannacht ort

#3 OMPRDave


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Posted 17 December 2008 - 05:10 PM

That was just the pick me up I needed today....that was the funniest thing I've read in a LONG time. Thanks for sharing that!
"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation." Herbert Spencer

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