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contacting my dad


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#1 midnight_ravynhawk

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Posted 18 August 2009 - 11:19 AM

Hello, I'm desperately looking for help!! My dad passed on October 17,2006. Before he married his second wife, I would always tell people that he was closer to me than my own skin. We had an unbelievable bond. He was always there for me and I did the same for him. I stayed with him and helped him through his divorce from my mom (sometimes even putting my relationship with my mom second.) He was a SEVERE alcoholic and meeting his second wife (there is absolutely NO WAY I would ever acknowledge her as my step-mother!!), she began pulling him away from not only me, but his entire family. This woman hates me so bad that I had to find out that he died from someone else, she didn't even bother to call me. She had him cremated before I ever knew that he passed. I have never even seen his urn, held his ashes, nothing!! I never got to say goodbye. Everyday this haunts me and it has for the past 3 years. I have tried many times to communicate with him because I know in my heart and soul that he wants to tell me something. I feel this way because I recognize signs. You see, he was a musician so even when he was alive we communicated to each other through music. We would play a song for each other for the feelings of the song or the words saying something special.When I am thinking of him, one of Our songs will play on the radio and this happens way to often for me to think it's coincidence. Every time I am thinking of him or just talking to him while I am driving by myself, it's always something. Just yesterday I was bringing my kids home from football practice thinking how proud he would be of them because he loved football, the song "I'm so glad that she's my little girl" came on. When he was in his band and I was there watching he would always dedicate that song to me. We hadn't talked for some time before he died and I never got to say goodbye or have any type of closure. I know that he is trying to tell me something and I am willing to listen but, I am not hearing. How can I hear him?? I would do anything!!! I truely believe that part of me died with him, it hurts to the depths of my soul every single day. I've tried meditation, tarot and even a lady claiming to be psycic. Any advice or councel would be greatly appreciated.
I was also reading about the doppelganger theory. I swear that I see men who look exactely like my dad even to the point where I've almost called out to them. I've seen him while I was shopping, driving and the strangest was walking past me on the sidewalk in front of my house when I was sitting quietly reading a book. I definately need closure because I cannot imagine having to go through the rest of my life with this pain and More importently, I don't want my feelings to hold him to this world and not let him move on. Please, I am willing to try anything, I'm desperate. Thank you.
Sometimes it's easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission!!!

#2 dancinmiriam

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Posted 18 August 2009 - 03:16 PM

I'm afraid I have no concrete advice, but HAD to reply as my experience is quite eerily like your own. My father passed away in 1992 and we had always been close. He was a musician and had, when we were young, written a song about his love for his daughters and what he would leave us when he was gone. (I could never tell him when he would sing me to sleep at night, how horribly sad it made me to hear a song about a time he would pass away, and don't think I did till his dying day). And, like you, when I showed up at the club or a gig, he would have me come up to sing with him or would play a couple of Willie Nelson songs that only he and I would know the meaning of. Although (seems it goes with the territory of a band musician) he did smoke and drink, he did not to excess unlike your father and was more of a 'happy drunk' if he ever over indulged. I did end up being the conduit for my parents when they divorced and he would come to me to talk over his 'heart stuff' after he left my mother. He left her for a woman, exactly as you, I would refuse to call 'mother' let alone step mother. This woman was so hateful, she had cut my father off from all his family, including me. I also had to find out from someone else. I would too hear songs (oddball songs that no one played on the radio much anymore) whenever I could feel his presence. But, unlike my mother, who continues to come to me in dreams, my father has only in the last year appeared to me - so real I could smell him when I hugged him (in my dream of course). His 'woman' has gotten herself and family written into his will and managed to get our family homestead - an issue my family would like resolved - by me. I believe he left on purpose, as it were. He left in the best way possible - he dropped dead (literally) in the middle of playing one of his favorite songs, in front of an audience! For this reason, I have not mourned his death like my mothers' - is that why I don't 'hear' from him? Is there a connection between the ability to contact our daddies or mamas if they left purposefully vs. leaving without resolution? My best wishes to you in finding a way to him.
I see dance being used as communication between body and soul, to express what is too deep, too fine, for words. ~ Ruth St. Denis

#3 space ghost

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Posted 29 August 2009 - 08:44 AM

You could try finding a paranormal investigative team to come in. Sometimes a scientific approach can give more answers than you think!

#4 Gabby

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 11:45 AM

That's odd that there are two people with such similar experiences. All I can think of is try to get closer to his spirit the best way you can. Maybe through music, since it is the way you communicated.

Once when I was falling asleep I heard my dad playing guitar in the livingroom but he had been already asleep. It was so strange, as if he was playing it perfectly. And I turned over he seemed even to play softer so I would be able to fall asleep. I think I was tapping into a spirit realm.

The doppleganger universe? I've never read about it. But is it like a parallel universe continuum thing? It sounds interesting...

This might help though: I have realized that I have experienced the spirit world, but it becomes frightening because I am not as used to that type of experience.

We need to embrace the other-experience. If you meditate and raise your energy it will make it much more bearable.
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#5 midnight_ravynhawk

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 02:02 PM

I still think that something is going on!!! Today I had to go run some errands. Like I said before, I heard songs on the radio that had special meaning to my dad and I. It's really weird. Songs like Let It Be by The Beatles saying "and though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see." Then later in my trip I heard a song that I have never heard on the radio before called Rubber Biscuit. This was a song that my dad used to play in his band. It's definately one of the dumbest songs I've ever heard. I guess my question is- is it possible that he is trying to tell me something or is this just wishful thinking??? I do read my own tarot cards (not very well) but, I'm not sure if I could interpret them correctly or if my head is going to get in the way!!! Sometimes I think I'm just grasping at straws trying to ease my pain. ;)
Sometimes it's easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission!!!

#6 space ghost

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 02:22 PM

I'm not sure if you believe in spirit guilds, but to me it sounds like your dad is watching over you and he is just making sure you know he is around!

#7 midnight_ravynhawk

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Posted 02 September 2009 - 02:40 PM

I hope that's true!!! ;) I also that my feelings toward him aren't keeping him here. I was told that I should let him go. It's just so hard since there was no closure. When I asked him to stay sober for 1 day and I would bring the boys to see him and he couldn't do it, my heart broke so bad that I have never recovered!!! Believe me, I understand the disease of addiction!!! I just can't help but wondering what it is he's trying to say. I believe with my whole heart and soul he's here, I just hope that I'm not the one keeping him here. He suffered so much for so long, I just want him to find pease.
Sometimes it's easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission!!!

#8 babalon1919

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 03:38 PM

I still think that something is going on!!! Today I had to go run some errands. Like I said before, I heard songs on the radio that had special meaning to my dad and I. It's really weird. Songs like Let It Be by The Beatles saying "and though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see." Then later in my trip I heard a song that I have never heard on the radio before called Rubber Biscuit. This was a song that my dad used to play in his band. It's definately one of the dumbest songs I've ever heard. I guess my question is- is it possible that he is trying to tell me something or is this just wishful thinking???


no, i do not believe at all that it is wishful thinking on your part.
perhaps there are wishes involved but not of the delusional or imaginary sort.

when you hear these songs and think of your dad, instead of missing him, reach out into your mind space and feel that he is very, very, very close
"closer to you than you" is how it was explained to me...from someone very close to me, on the other side.

i totally relate to the method of communicating through music - i have the same experience.
at first, i often thought i must be crazy or living in a fantasy world, or something like that
but when i tuned in to my loved one's spirit, i felt it right there with me!
and the more i remembered this, the clearer my perception

it's really easy when it is someone with whom you are so close, as you described in your own relationship with your dad.
you KNOW your dad...he is the same whether in the flesh or free.

and talk to him, too
communication is a two-way street even over the threshold!

I do read my own tarot cards (not very well) but, I'm not sure if I could interpret them correctly or if my head is going to get in the way!!! Sometimes I think I'm just grasping at straws trying to ease my pain. :clap:


no.
i think your dad is trying to help you get over your pain.
the best way to overcome the grief of missing someone is to realize death is an illusion based on visual sight. we have 4 other physical senses and who-knows-how-many non-physical senses!

our hearts/souls are our most sensitive organ if we listen.
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. [Kahlil Gibran]

#9 babalon1919

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Posted 04 September 2009 - 03:49 PM

I hope that's true!!! :clap: I also that my feelings toward him aren't keeping him here. I was told that I should let him go. It's just so hard since there was no closure. When I asked him to stay sober for 1 day and I would bring the boys to see him and he couldn't do it, my heart broke so bad that I have never recovered!!! Believe me, I understand the disease of addiction!!! I just can't help but wondering what it is he's trying to say. I believe with my whole heart and soul he's here, I just hope that I'm not the one keeping him here. He suffered so much for so long, I just want him to find pease.


i don't think you are keeping him here
it doesn't FEEL like that, to me

and remember, too, that now that he's out from under the weight of flesh and bone, he knows your heart and your feelings toward him. the things that still weigh you down are in you, not him.

i think that his peace is your peace.
if you are as close as you say, then i think that's probably more likely than anything else.

i don't think all spiritual presence in our material reality is caused by *the living* holding on to *the dead*
in fact, i think that is only a very small fraction of the whole - more like a pathology of a spiritual nature
nearly all souls are immediately liberated the moment they *die*, according to accounts of near-death-experiences (which are increasingly numerous)
your dad has just as much free will as you do and vice versa
it is the soul which has free will, not the body

------------

i understand what you are saying about closure, too
the same general thing happened to me when my dad died
different circumstances, but still i was left feeling that i had let him down and "if only," etc.

about a month after he died, he came to me in a dream and let me know that it was okay - that my regrets were from my own failed expectations in myself, and not at all anything to do with him feeling i'd dropped the ball or shirked loving duty

i knew it was him because my own mind would have never imagined the feeling that he conveyed to me, soul to soul
the closure was necessary, to be sure, but it for me, not for him
but what i needed, he needed, too

i hope that made sense.
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. [Kahlil Gibran]

#10 midnight_ravynhawk

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Posted 05 September 2009 - 09:36 AM

I did always tell everyone that my dad was closer to me than my own skin. I do recognize that everyone,living or dead, has free will. It has taken me a long time to accept that my fathers wife didn't kill him by buying him alcohol. My dad was an alcoholic and he was the only one killing himself with the booze. No one was pouring it down his throat exept him. I know about the 5 stages of grief and whatever one deals with being BAD_WORD off is the one I'm in. Even typing this right now is very difficult because my hands are shaking so bad!!! I really believe that I need to do some soul searching to figure out how to handle this. In October will be 3 years since he passed and I need some help trying to figure out what I can do to make that day alittle easier.
Sometimes it's easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission!!!

#11 babalon1919

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Posted 05 September 2009 - 10:23 AM

i understand

maybe the answer is allowing yourself to be angry and then getting over it
if your dad is very close around you these days, maybe that is one of the reasons

your anger can't hurt him because he's got a broader view than we have, right now
his heart is open just because he's not in the delusion of separateness that is human

it's okay to be mad at him, i'm sure
because it is out of love and it's normal

like i said, above, maybe talk to him, directly?

:toilet:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. [Kahlil Gibran]

#12 midnight_ravynhawk

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Posted 05 September 2009 - 04:04 PM

Well, I tried to talk to my dad. I even started my dvr so I wouldn't miss anything. Guess what I heard.....nothing. Not only did I not hear anything but, I didn't feel anything either. I didn't feel like anyone was here with me-not only did I not feel my dad, I didn't feel anyone or anything! I keep thinking that maybe I'm not doing something wrong but, I don't know what else to do. I'm not a sensitive, a psychic, a medium or anything else but, I have gotten those creepy feelings before when something is around. Is it possible to just be too desperate to hear from someone??? I should just goto a psychic or something but, I don't know of any reputable one's where I live. I just don't want to feel like this forever. It's such a deep sense of loss that sometimes I just can't get it out of my head, the pain is just to deep. And yes, before anyone asks, I do have a psych doctor! Any other ways of communication I can try? I'm open to just about anything.
Sometimes it's easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission!!!

#13 babalon1919

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Posted 05 September 2009 - 08:56 PM

don't worry - nothing lasts forever, theoretically speaking
including ill feelings and such
:Wall:

i have to go to a friend's house for a while and i'm going to think on this
and then get back to you

just don't stress
all things work for the good of those that love HIM

:owl:

is your dad hispanic?
[if you don't mind me asking]
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. [Kahlil Gibran]

#14 midnight_ravynhawk

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Posted 06 September 2009 - 07:59 AM

no
Sometimes it's easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission!!!

#15 midnight_ravynhawk

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Posted 08 September 2009 - 12:45 PM

So, I told you guys in previous posts about thinking my dad was "talking" to me through songs. Well today I was coming back from the doctor's office, all alone in my car, and I told my dad that if music was the way he was communicating with me that I wanted proof. I have been sitting in my empty house during the day when no one is home with a DVR just talking to him and absolutely nothing. Being he was a musician all of his life and that was the way we communicated when he was alive (like "listen to this, it reminds me of you") I just thought I would try it that way now. EVERY single time I ask, some song comes on that was one of the songs we talked about. I was pretty sure, if you read my earlier posts, that this HAD to be coincidence but, it just keeps happening!!! I'm starting to think I'm nuts!!! :) I just can't help but wonder if this is all I will ever get or will he ever "talk" to me again??? Had to tell you guys because my psych doctor would probably commit me if I told him!!!!! :Spaz:
Sometimes it's easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission!!!




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