17 replies to this topic

[anasuya]

Shellas and I often have a debate about the subject of name changes after marriage. She, a product of the extreme feminist movement   , is very much against the idea of a woman taking a man's name. I, however, couldn't care less. I took my husbands name, only because I have no specific attachment to my own last name.

Even though changing my last name isn't an issue, being referred to as Mrs. (Enter husbands name here) is demeaning and suggest we, as women, have no identity of our own. I DO have my own first name after all.

What do you all feel about this subject? Are you hard-core feminist? Are you June Cleaver and aim to please? Somewhere in the middle? Let us know.

Ana

[Justa]

OK, I will reply to this one.  First off, I am not hard-core feminist.

I think that the problem with the Mr and Mrs is that it takes away from your individuality, and your own identity as an independant person.  These titles date back quite a ways, and as much as our society is progressing, some things are slower than others at changing.  As well, with all of the problems in the world, being called Mrs X really doesn't seem that big of an issue.

I am old fashioned when it comes to the last name though.  Maybe just the way I was brought up, but to me, it signifies a deeper commitment.  Of course, that doesn't mean I would refuse to marry the one I was in love with because she wouldn't take my name.  

In Quebec, if I am not mistaken, the lady keeps her own family name, and the child also gets her family name.  Which really means the father is only there for stud services.  What are your thoughts on this?  

[aloha_spirit]

In Brasil, the children take on both parents' last names.

Maria Fatima Oliveira dos Santos
is the daughter of
Ana Paula Rosario da Silva de Oliveira
and
Jose Antonio Mosca dos Santos

That way, the legacy of both parents are preserved.

[whispers_of_fire]

Okay, as snooty as this may sound to others, I'm for hyphenating the name, thereby preserving both names*especially in the case of only children where the line/branch of the family may die out

[Justa]

Actually, that makes sense.  I like that idea also.  

Just out of curiosity, does anybody know the rule about two hyphenated names marrying?

For example...  Smith-Jones marries Thomas-Peterson... are the children then named Smith-Jones-Thomas-Peterson?

[whispers_of_fire]

WOW...I got nothin' on that

[anasuya]

What I have to ask, for curiosity sake, is why must the women take the men's name, and not the other way around. Does it do damage to the man's ego or something to considering taking a woman's last name? Again, I don't particularly care, and was quite happy to take my husband's last name. If, however, I'd had a problem with it, there is no WAY he'd have taken mine. Kind of a double standard if you ask me.

Ana

[whispers_of_fire]

Hey, Ana
Sadly, I think it was a custom dating back to the Renaissance that just never changed, much like the custom of dowry (possibly translating into the tradition of the bride's family paying for the wedding). I think the only exception was the Aristocracy/Royalty, where in many cases the Bride kept her family name...in many cases, the man would take the bride's name if her family were more highly placed in court, but I'm sure that had more to do with prestige and rank/proximity to the Crown.

*LOL*I told my G/f I'd be willing to take her name-for reasons I described above-but we settled for hypenating.

Justa...they may take all 4 names

[Vampchick21]

Hmmm....

I took my husband's last name, much to the surprise of everyone in my life, him included.

My reason?  Well, as a Celtic Pagan, I have a certain outlook.  When I married, I left my family/clan and joined his.  Hence, I took his name.  No one has ever referred to me as Mrs. (husband's first name).  They call me by my first name.

Of course, when those who asked me who were not familiar with my particular path why, I just shrugged and said because I felt like it.  

[shellas13]

Despite what ana has said in the beginning about my neo-nazi feminist tendencies , I, too, am of the mind that hyphenated names neatly solves the issue. I just feel that in MODERN times, when both men AND women bring home the bacon, some sort of acknowledgement of the woman's roots are also in order. I think that I have a question for Justa's question about if the woman retains her own name and her child also has her name, does that mean that the man is JUST around for stud services? I just want to ask then, if the woman takes the man's name and the child as well, in THESE times, then is the woman just there as a baby-making machine?? I'm not trying to be antagonistic, but just wondering why even after all this time, it's generally frowned on to have the woman assert SOME personal distinction (as in married name) in a relationship when it's TWO people who DEFINITELY made UP the marriage?

But as I've said, I think that the hypen is a cool way to deal with this. But it's equally as important to have the MAN also hypenate his name as well...instead of JUST the woman do it. That way, it's an equal show of respect and a unique name that will show how united the couple is publicly.

*btb...I'm just extremely glad to state that I'm with someone that's very understanding to this opinion of mine *

[Justa]

Here comes Justa Antagonist

First, just out of curiosity, who gets first billing in the hyphenation, if both hyphenate their name, or does she become Smith-Jones, and he becomes Jones-Smith?  Maybe there should be a rule that they have to be placed alphabetically!

As for the second part.... I wouldn't mind being used just for stud services    but, I see your point about the baby making machine... but of course that is wrong, cause she still has to do the laundry, the dishes, and after she brings home the bacon, she has to cook it for dinner.  ;D (Dodges daggers)  BTW, that is just a bit of light humor.  No harm intended.  In my house I do it all.

You are correct though. The times do need to change, and they are slowly.  Unfortunately slower than most would like, but any change is positive, and as we fossils marry off and move aside, the younger generation can make the changes.  The bottom line though, is do you love the person you are with?  If the answer is yes, then something as simple as a name shouldn't cause problems.  If something that small causes grief, imagine what will happen 4 or 5 years into the marriage when something major happens.   In the words of Juliet Capulet ..."that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet".

[shellas13]

*palms dagger at the ready, but drops it due to sweet Shakespearan quote...awww...;D*

Good point about loving regardless of whatever name...of course that IS the most important aspect, but I've always been under the impression that if you love someone than you must honor them as well. Coming from culture that does, sadly at times, place honor above mere love, I find it very important to be shown that respect. I'm just of the mind that since great strides have been taken already to make mankind as 'equal' as possible, I'm greatly impressed and touched if my significant other DOES go that extra mile and include my roots in OUR togetherness.

About who goes first...um...will wrestle for it! ;D

[Justa]

*takes the easy way out and only dates women with the same last name as myself, after ruling them out of the family tree*

[shellas13]

*Justa...the last BRAVEheart! ;D* Glad to hear you're against marryin' a second cousin, kiddo

[whispers_of_fire]

*Looks up Wrestling Goddesses in Minion Manifesto*How about
alphabetical order?