42 replies to this topic

[Bridget]

OK Whispers, here's some advice from my husband:
What's the seven words a man hates to have a woman ask: "Do you notice anything different about me?"

And also, he advises you to contact "Queer eye for the straight guy" They will set you straight!

[whispers_of_fire]

OMGOSH...where to start. I have no problem with Femenism*KRC, Fly, MykieDave...no worries, its all about
the strategy...shush, Brian*and can respect the person and I'm very honest, as is she when we talk, especially about relationships and when asked for input.

Hi, Pink, We've kind of come to a compromise on chivalry,
I don't try to hold her chair for her and she doesn't hit me with a rolled up newspaper. I disagree about expecting a lie over the truth, as I said, we're both very
honest and both respect that trait, but as Bangin said, no matter who it is, you still need to hear "You're beautiful/handsome"

Hi, KarenSue*LOL*I've got more than a fair share of disasterous relationships, as does my amiga, but I know what you're saying. As far as changing a person or at least some of the attitude, I think that's what any friend should do...not as far as "Wear your hair like this, dress like that" but trying to curb negative behaviors or attitudes.

Bless you, Stella, it has nothing to do with chivalry*hides
plate armor and long sword*or finding the person weaker or in need of you, but at times its just basic kindness. Its the way I was raised.

Hey, KRC...Awwwwwwwwww, thanks, Beav! I LOVE the expression Femenazi*hides behind taller males*but these are also the ones that go for mindgames or focus on making their partner subserviant and that is as wrong as calling a female the 'weaker sex*see, man, I DIDN'T sell out my sex BTW, that's a lovely diving camera you have, Mr Cleaver ;D

Hey, Fly*ROFL*Yes, I'm afraid so, but there's also a matter of knowing when diplomacy is a better strategy than the unadorned truth

Hi, Bridget*FREEZE! Hun, no offense was taken and gods know there have been times that I've donned my chivalry in expectation of something when I was young and callow, but that's also human nature. Your Hubby's dead right, Hun, I will notice if she's done her hair differently or a new outfit...but a different shade of lipstick or a new brand of blush*AROU?*is totally beyond
me, I'm afraid

Hi, Holly and welcome to GV ;D As I said, its a very odd and often confusing relationship, but one of my biggest faults is reading too much into things, so if it heads in that direction, SWEET...she's funny, intelligent, insightful,
caring and honest, te traits I look for in a long term rel.

Hi, Bangin...you are, but that goes without saying, Luv. Of course, the converse of that is also true

Hi,MykieDave, I can occaitionally pull that off  but DOGGONE-IT! She knows I'm perceptive and intelligent
(except for shades of lipstick or blush) for a male. There
have been times that I've had to ask her to coach me on what to say*always expect that whatever you say will NOT be the right thing

[KarenSue1973]

Bridget you are so right about the queer guys for the straight guy.  I know a gay man, and he give the best advice when it comes to men.  He knows how women think.

[Kellerz]

Feminazi lol i had a sociology teacher who was a feminazi ... there were only 2 guys in the entire class man where they out numbered. She used to get quite wound up when we got onto feminist sociology ... the guys just kept there mouths shut and nodded to all the man bashing.

my husbands a strange one.. when we were living in ohio he actually made me get back in the car so he could open the door if  i just hopped out....

luckily for him the "do i look fat in this?" question has never past my lips ... because of the fact  i dont really care lol .. baggy trousers ..tank top .. tie my hair up im ready to go

unlike most of my friends who flap about for an hour trying on everything they own .. then go to another friends house to pick them up and they start trying on there clothes too ... bah ...

[Rockhauler2k1]

By my estimation , when a person mentions trainning in regards to another persons behavior it denotes control issues and insecurity.

We are really talking about how we treat each other as human beings overall , correct?

Emotional intimacy between a man and a woman can be a tough thing to accomplish . It requires establishing trust and an attachment value. Knowing a persons worth to you as an individual greatly determines how much your willing to put up with ( this includes trainning lol )  ;D

One thing is for certain, in relationships , all things are never equal. Finding a balance we can live with is the closest we ever come to being truly equal on any level.


Just my 2 cents,

Rockhauler2k1  

[babyghosthunter]

I wouldnt worry about it...It could be that the attention embarreses her...I know that when TKE448 tells me thaT i am pretty my reply is usually hush or stop ...but only because it embarrases me...but if he was to stop I would die..some people just dont take compliments very well... :-[ ;D

[whispers_of_fire]

Hi, KarenSue, I agree, a really good friend of mine is gay and he's given me some great insights into the female mind*though now he's strangely silent*

Hey, Kellerz, Were they keeping their mouths shut or were they curled into a fetal position under the barrage of man bashing...JOKE! LOL*You mean he was actually serious about you getting back in the car, okay, that is a little much :-/

Hi, Rock, you hit it straight on, self-image issues, which leads to insecurity and needing to control a situation's environment. We are very slowly working out boundaries to our friendship, which I think we both need.

I can honestly say that I value her for her insights into people, her honesty and for the respect she shows the population we work with. BUT...if she has me trying on shock collars, Rock, I'm gonna be very put out ;D

Hi, BabyG, Its an understandable reaction, my friend, sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do is to see yourself through that special someone's eyes or to see what they see in you

[flyingorb]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...............finds the idea of shock collars strangely compelling. :-X

[Kellerz]

Yeah he actually made ,e get back in the car a few times though right now im mad at him as i actually went out of my way to cook him dinner for when he comes home from work and hes gone to the pub saying hed being home very soon .... about 2 hours ago so dinners cold and ruined and im about to feed his to the dog.. *grumbles*

the guys in our class juts kinda sat quietly and didnt say much .... if they did about the whole class turned on them ... great fun


electric shock collar . hmmm wonder where i could get one of them at this time of night.

[whispers_of_fire]

Hey, Fly...okay, this is a little creepy, an hour after I posted my last post on this thread, we got into a discussion about using EST*electro-shock*to curb the more annoying behaviors in boyfriends/girlfriends...and I
guess that means husbands, too...or wives if you will. Unfortunately the subject does have a right to refuse said treatment. Don't look so downcast, Fly, there's always a choke collar

Hi, Kellerz*LOL*Not you, too! Though I can imagine how vexxed I'd be in the same situation. BTW, Out here the shock collars are illegal in the US, but I'm not sure about the UK,so take him out to a Gothy Vamp club on a leash and collar*BZZZT! Oh, I'm sorry, Love...guess I picked up the wrong one by mistake snickers*

[KarenSue1973]

Whispers, Electro-shock to curb annoying behaviors?  Don't you think that its a little harsh?  I know that it works but why not find something a little less harsh.  As for telling a girl that she is pretty.  I had a friend telling me just yesterday that I was pretty.  I was covered in dirt from work and was very ickey looking.  I didn't believe him one bit.  I guess it depends on the person if they believe it or not.

[whispers_of_fire]

Hi, Karen, I agree that it depends entirely on the given individual, while in some cases the person's merely stating an observation/offering a compliment, there are times when its masking an ulterior motive.

*LOL*as far as the shock collar it depends entirely, she was going out with a guy that never called her, so I can see her point ;D

[Willow]

Shock collars...see I picked the perfect time to reply I have mostly male friends so I know a thing or two about this subject...though I don't consider it 'training' I do point out to them what I personally find offensive they do or say and pray what i'm telling them sinks in and that in turn might help out with future relationships...some of them lack manners and I feel if I can tell them first it will save them being either hurt or embarassed by it later

Whispers...I agree with Krc, your the most polite and considerate man I know :-*

[KarenSue1973]

Whispers,  men never call what else is new.  I go weeks with out hearing from my bf.  I got used to it kind of.  It gets annoying but as I have learned that its just what a man does!  I have a few male friends and yes it does take them a while for things to sink in.  Some of them longer than others.  I guess its because of the male friends and the men that I dated I got used to the having to explain things more than once and never hearing from them.  My ex-husband was in Kuwait for 2 months, I got one phone call right after he was sent over there.  We had only been married a few weeks when he left and that was all that I heard from him until I came home from school.

[whispers_of_fire]

Hi, Willow*LOL*I think KRC's trying to lull females into a false sense of security by setting them up with someone
with a habit of selling out his own sex so you'll be unprepared for the real drive ;D but that's nice of you to say.

AH! Nuh-UH!! If I remember the conversation that partly inspired this thread, you did use the term TRAINING, so NYEH I can see the point, as guys can sometimes be insensative, though it would be more fair if the training is reciprocal, besides, I think you'd look sweet on a leash and collar ;D 8)

Hi, Karen...okay, I'm at a total loss to explain your ex's behavior, you'd think he'd be on the phone every chance
he got if you were still newleyweds-just to let you know he was okay