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Question for the women


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#1 whispers_of_fire

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Posted 12 September 2003 - 12:26 PM

A few weeks ago at the shift change a friend of mine called. The guy she was kind of sort of seeing was there and left with an overnight bag and a woman...no big surprise, he's a dogg that gives other doggs a bad name, but she asked for a description of the girl he left with. So, I gave her one, not exactly one worthy of Sherlock Holmes, but it might have earned a nod from him ;D

She responded with a deep sigh and telling me "You SO need to be trained." By definition*hers that is*my only response should have been, "Not as pretty as you." LOL
I can see the point if we were involved but the only relationship is a close and at times, a very confusing friendship, based not on common interests, but the fact that we think a great deal alike.

All this aside, I know a great deal about her past relationships as she does about mine, but the training thing caught me off guard, summonsing images of Pavlov's dogs salivating at the sound of a bell or rats in a maze, suffering from anxiety from alternating positive
and negative reinforcers :o Its a little scarey, so is this an underlying theme or is this just the one deviant case ???
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#2 Bridget

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Posted 12 September 2003 - 01:21 PM

Hi Whispers!
There is something to be said for chivalry and femininity. I am constantly impressed by my husband who will open doors for me, compliment me on my hair (even when i have cut it mysalf, after a few glasses of wine i might add) and not sit down at the table until i sit. It is called good manors and it seems to be ebbing from our society. I think your friend wasn't necessarily treating you like a pavlov dogg, but women like to hear nice things like that from men. Just my opinion! I'm no feminist and proud of it! Actually, I support me and my husband but i still like to be treated like the feminine thing i am!
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Posted 12 September 2003 - 02:00 PM

I don't get it.  Do you have an occasional "thing" with her, too?  She sounds like she might kinda use you to find out what HE'S doing.   ???  I married the first man who opened the door for me and pulled out the chair for me. (I finally figured out that these are nice things and they reflect the nice person doing it!) If the woman in question looks down on this behavior she has a bad self-image.  (She may not think she is worthy-it makes her feel funny.)  Did I miss your question?

#4 whispers_of_fire

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Posted 12 September 2003 - 04:40 PM

Hi, Bridget ;D You know its odd, we talk pretty much daily, we hang out on off days, we've gone out a few times and even "kinda" thought about pursuing maybe
a deeper relationship. But the first lunch we did...OMGS, she glared at me when I opened the door for her and threatened to slug me if I held out her chair for her. Now
I know some of the issues behind the sentiments, but it
was kind of a surprise, especially since I knew she wasn't joking ??? I have to agree, I think for the most part, women do appreciate and even expect a little chivalry, but in some cases, I think they view it with suspician, wondering if there's an ulterior motive, ya know

Hi, ChristineB, actually you hit deeper into it then what I implied in it, yes there are a lot of self image issues with
her*LOL*we're both kind of huggy/touchy people so it balances out, but I could see it and have seen it with a b/f but with a friend?? Okay, I can see the need for positive reinforcement*evil laughter and images of intermittant reinforcer schedules*Christine, I hope you'll
join us as a member
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#5 Pink_Pear

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Posted 12 September 2003 - 05:40 PM

A secure woman wouldn't have made that comment about training.  A secure woman appreciates a straight answer.  Open and honest communication is the hallmark of any relationship, even friendships.

Women like her annoy me--they imply that they prefer pretty lies over good old fashioned honesty.  But she has probably confided to you that she wishes men were more honest with her, right?  No wonder you're confused.

I am a feminist, but I also appreciate having doors held open for me, having my chair pulled out, etc.  I don't see any contradiction there.  Little favors go along way in keeping a relationship running smoothly, but it goes both ways.  In the spirit of equality and fairness, I am quick to return the favors any time I see an opportunity to do so.  

I also appreciate and expect straight, honest answers to my questions.  If a woman is tall and blonde, slim but busty, I want to be told just that if I ask for a description of her.  

But being told "Oh, she is so way sexier that you are" isn't necessary, however.      

#6 KarenSue1973

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Posted 12 September 2003 - 06:45 PM

You mean that there are guys that open doors and pull out chairs that are left out there?  I don't think that the comment should have been made.   Its just my opinion, but you take the good and the bad in a relationship.  You don't try to change each other, but you over look the others flaws.  Then again with all the failed relationships in my life I really wouldn't take my advice.
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#7 Stella

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Posted 12 September 2003 - 07:12 PM

Pink, I totally agree!  Any woman (ANY) who doesn't know she is beautiful needs some self-esteem lessons.  My DH told me that one of the things he loves about me is that I don't play mind games.  I never try to entice him to tell me I look nice.  I KNOW when I look nice and when I look like crap (usually in the AM!) lol

In my honest opinion, chivalry isn't dead...it has just changed form :)  Don't you women ever open doors for other people, male or female?  I do.  I think its a gesture of kindness.  I never fully understood the pulling out of chairs, because for me it usually ends up an awkward and embarrasing *thunk* into the chair lol

Just my 2 cents ;)
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#8 Bridget

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Posted 13 September 2003 - 05:19 AM

Hey Whispers, I certainly didn't mean to suggest you were not a chivalrous person, which I'm sure you are :)
I was just making generalizations. I am going to stay off the real life occurences board and go back to oohing and ahhing at orbs!
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#9 flyingorb

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Posted 13 September 2003 - 06:12 AM

Whispers,

Open and honest communication with a woman you care about?  

From a man married over 25 years (to the same woman lol) take this advise my friend.  Bury that thought, bury it deep! ;D
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#10 krcguns

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Posted 13 September 2003 - 06:23 AM

Okl, here is my 2 cents.  Just my opinions so I hope I don't make anyone angry.  I have always put women that don't like being treated like a lady (and usually don't apprecieate men all that much)  as feminazi's!  I think women should be both independent and yet like being treated like a lady.   It is this small minority that has kind of made men a little gun shy of treating a lady as such.

Drew!  Man you are the most polite and considerate man I have ever met.  Almost to the point of making you Eddie Haskell!  LOL!  You keep it up and eventually you will find a woman that will like it!

Bridget....you don't have to stay off of these boards...heck we all have our opinions and there is nothing wrong with sharing yours.  Believe me it takes more than that to make Drew angry!

I think that the times have changed, I still try to be chivalrous but I do quit rather quickly when it is not wanted.  It has become more difficult for all of us.  As for the woman that has issues....oh well, we all need a self esteem boost once in a while but fishing isn't always the best way to get them.  ;D
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#11 Bridget

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Posted 13 September 2003 - 07:02 AM

Whispers,

Open and honest communication with a woman you care about?  

From a man married over 25 years (to the same woman lol) take this advise my friend.  Bury that thought, bury it deep! ;D


I rest my case! As in...."Honey, does this dress make my butt look fat?" Wrong answer: Yes (wife goes off crying and blames husband for her fat butt) Right answer: No, honey, it makes you look curvaceous!

Hahahahahahah
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#12 Holly

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Posted 13 September 2003 - 07:36 AM

Well, okay then, I have things to say about this thread!!

First of all, open communication is imperative to a good relationship. Frankly, if I had a dress on that made me look bad, I would want my Sweetheart to tell me...Better than going out looking like a fool. But, honesty extends far beyond "How do I look, Honey?" If there isn't total honesty in a relationship, then what is your foundation?

No one needs to be "trained". Your friend asked you a straight up question. If she was fishing for a compliment, she approached the whole thing the wrong way! Sounds to me like she has more than a passing interest in you and was looking for you to give her ego a boost.

Yes, I like manners in a gentleman, but I don't ask for any more than I would give. I also know how to hold doors, etc.....It works both ways.
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#13 Bangin

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Posted 13 September 2003 - 09:29 AM

I know that I'm beautiful, but I like to be told that I am too.  :-*

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#14 Mykiedave

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Posted 13 September 2003 - 09:49 AM

Ok, from a guy...

Let her in on our closest guarded secret.....



Don't tell anyone else.....




are you ready????







WE ARE THICKER THEN BRICKS!!!!!!

Don't fish for compliments, pull us in the boat, put us in the cooler, hold our empty little heads between you nuturing hands and ask, "Was she prettier than me ?" and then tell us the RIGHT answer to give.  ;D


I believe in always answering honestly, so I don't always recognize the "compliment me" game. I would never let my Sweetheart go out in public looking unintetionally silly. Just realize that there is NO good answer to "Does this make my bottom look big?"
and NEVER, under any circumstances reply, "No dear, but your bottom makes those look huge" or "Are you kidding? Who's gonna be looking at your bottom with those clown shoes on." Neither are good answers..... I know. ::)
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#15 KarenSue1973

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Posted 13 September 2003 - 01:09 PM

I think that its nice to get compliments from guys, but I don't like it when they go over board.  I learned that its the first sign that they are after one thing and one thing only.  As for training a guy.  I don't think that its right.  I believe that you take people for they way that they are.  Whispers she was just a friend right?  If she was then she shouldn't be looking for things like that from you.  That is what her best friend is for!! ;D
Peace, love and happiness always!




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