45 replies to this topic

[mastermind73]

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why are so many women buried with their married name why isnt their maiden name put on the stone as well.

I think that's pretty much just a matter of personal preference.  I do agree that it would be helpful to geneology if they were on there, though.

[whispers_of_fire]

Hi, OG WOW...I completely forgot that you'd be swamped around the Holidays. Nuh-UH...no eye strain allowed, we'll still be here when things have calmed down again.

That is a very poetic sentiment, but I think a child's passing needs something extra beautiful to fully express that horror of what the family's experienced. Out of curiousity, was that prevalent during a certain period of history?

Hi, Mels, I never really thought of that*snickers probably 'cause my name won't change if my Baby's ever silly enough to marry me*and I honestly have not a clue as to why the maiden name wouldn't appear on a woman's stone? Since I'd imagine that not every family had that family bible to mark marriages and passings and the birth of children.

Hi, Bridget, No worries...up until about a month ago, I would have sworn that California had either NOT been a state
at that time or if they had been a state, they would have joined the Confederacy, Neither did my boss...and HE'S a Cal
native

HAWKY!! That's an excellent point, that the stone was acting
as an obituary*Um...you do remember we're splitting those winnings 60-40, right?

[flyingorb]

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OK Flying Or, i just about flunked history! Don't feel bad. I guess the country was divided into the north and south and was not really united is what i should have said.

You must be referring to (as a southern friend put it) The war between the Yankees and the Americans!  LMAO
;D


btw: I suspect the reason that a woman's tombstone did not carry her "maiden" name, was that only her "married" name was considered important.  Remember that for much of our history a woman could not even own property, or vote.  In fact, their role was pretty much viewed as her being the "property" of her husband.

*looks for a large rock to hide behind*

[mastermind73]

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Remember that for much of our history a woman could not even own property, or vote.  In fact, their role was pretty much viewed as her being the "property" of her husband.

Uh oh... I think someone just let loose the Chihuahuas of war!  [smiley=cwm27.gif]

[hawkerdriver]

Ahem. Now. The New England states where women were considered chattle, as was the custom from England, were not allowed to own property HOWEVER the states that were settled first by the Spanish then the women there were able to own land and I do believe the French settled state Lousiana was also included.  For example, the county I was born in  NM was called Dona Ana.  Dona Ana was the landowner of the area we now call Dona Ana county but she inherited the land from her father who was given a Spanish land grant from the King of Spain.  This was early  1800's late 1700's.  I also think that French women were also allowed to be landowners. But I know for sure Spanish women were allowed.

[flyingorb]

*peeks over the top of a tombstone at the enchanting lady holding a cup, eyeing her carefully ready to duck if the cup comes flying in his direction*

I stand (or crouch low) corrected women COULD own property, but upon marriage her property became her husbands, at least in most of the early US.  You are probably right about the French and Spanish, I don't know.

Course as men became enlightened, they learned to value women as the distinct, intelligent, independent and loving souls that they are.  [smiley=cwm8.gif]  *mutters under his breath "gotta get my hip boots, it's getting pretty deep in here."  snicker*

[freyjasdottir]

you don't need the boots silly, but you are right and probably that's the main reason maiden names are not usually on tombstones.  In work I've seen old deeds where woman have lost inheritated property because they left their house.  In one the woman left a man who "although admitted to visiting saloons kept a job and was therefore a good provider"  so since she "stubbornly and obtstantily refused to return home" her property that she inheritated from her parents were forfeited and her and her children were out of the street.

[krcguns]

whew...flying!  I just felt a cold breeze and why are all the women running to Michigan?  LOL!  You are right for sure with the maiden name thing.  Once their name was changed after getting married that was their only name.  It wasn't like today where women can go back and forth 5 times in 10 years if they want to.  Divorce was unheard of and almost never happened.  Their married name became their name and that was it. ;D

[whispers_of_fire]

Hmmmm...this is a little off the subject*I know, big surprise*but Hawkers has a really good point and it was not unheard of for the men to marry for land or wealth or even a
prestigious Noble/Royally affiliated name. In fact, I'm sure there are cases of someone with an ancient title or an obscure connection to the royal family who was poor as a Church mouse. I personally can't think of an example, but maybe even taking the wife's family name.

Ducks behind Flying*don't worry, Fly, I got your back*But as far as the 19th-early 20th century, I agree, once the woman was married, she was a member of her husband's family and that was that

[hawkerdriver]

Ahem,yes my dears.  FLATTERY WILL GET YOU EVERYWHERE!!! [smiley=cwm37.gif]But this just goes to show you that the men from the French and Spanish were wonderfully more evolved creatures who valued the gentler sex not those barbaric silly a@# creatures from the Anglo Saxon regions.  Oh, yes, Whiskers, it was very common for the neaveu riche to marry someone of a title or vice versa.  As for names, the Spanish always adds the mother's family name to the offspring.  Say Catolina Herrera married Don Griego, when they have children the son would be Jose Griego Herrera.  So tracing family heritage was easier.   [smiley=cwm13.gif]

[yawn]

I think someone mentioned this already, but frankly, back then no one cared what your maiden name was because it wasn't as important as "his" name.  But if you look around, sometimes the woman's middle name is actually her maiden name.  Theoretically, you're supposed to make your maiden name your new middle name. Some women still do that today.  I did. Did you?

[hawkerdriver]

Heck no!  I had a croation last name that butchered beyond belief!! I was thrilled when I married a simple last name man! [smiley=cwm17.gif]

[yawn]

LOL...my last name wasn't bad...it's my middle that was HORRIBLE! so I didn't mind changing that

[Bridget]

I changed my name to my husband's, wanted to! Was happy to! I guess I'm old fashioned. BUT, it was hard as hell to change all the stuff in my name. Of course, EVERYTHING was in my name, the house, the car, the utilities, the credit cards, the bank account, the drivers license, the taxes, etc. etc. I'm still working on changes after 3 years. I think when my mom and dad got married over 60 years ago, my mom didn't have squat in her name, and it was a breeze!

[whispers_of_fire]

*Hey, Fly...she called us dears, I think its a ceasefire, stick your head up and parley with her, snickers*

*LOL*I totally agree, Hawkers, my father's name was really kinda cool, filled with ancient history and what not and when he moved here in the early 30's they totally ripped away history and romance away in an attempt to Anglocize it,
the same happened when my mother's mother came to this country. I agree that the Spanish were a bit more genteel to
the fairer sex*ducks behind KRC*Personally, though I think it was the Moorish influence [smiley=cwm40.gif]