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Letters To God...


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#1 Willow

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Posted 17 January 2005 - 02:12 PM

Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if
ever,
smell one another? Where are their priorities?

Dear God,
When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch?
Or is
it the same old story?

Dear God,
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the
cougar,
the mustang,the colt, the stingray and the
rabbit, but
not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a
cougar
riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it
be
so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler
beagle?

DearGod,
If a dog barks his head off in theforest and no
human
hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God,
If we come back as humans is that good or bad?

Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

DearGod,

When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to
shake
hands to get in?

Dear God,
Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone?
I have been howling at the moon and stars for a
long
time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer
across
the street.

DearGod,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I
have
to apologize?

Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions,
hand
signals,whistles,horns, clickers, beepers, scent
ID's,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight
paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God,
May I have my testicles back?

Dear God,
These are just some of the things I must remember
(inorder to keep my present living arrangements):

The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when
I'm
lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind
the
sofa or under the bed.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it
or
after they throw it up.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining
pieces of
clean carpet in the house when I am about to get
sick.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs,
etc.,
just because I like the way they smell.

I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty
litter
box; although they are tasty, they are not food.

I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and
then
redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not
tell
them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not
the
red ones, or my people will think I am
hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the
window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each
time I
hear one on television.

I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all
over
the back yard with them.

The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and
Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he
reaches in
for Mom's driver's license and registration.

I will not play tug of war with Dad's underwear
when
he's on the toilet.

I will not roll around in the dirt right after
getting
a bath.

Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an
acceptable way of saying hello.

I will not come in from outside and immediately
drag
my butt across the carpet.

The toilet bowl is not a never ending water
supply
and, just because the water is blue, doesn't mean
it's
cleaner.

I will not sit in the middle of the living room
and
lick my crotch when company is over.

I will remember that suddenly turning around and
smelling my rear end can quickly clear a room.

The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with
him
and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good
thing.
Either write things worth reading, Or do things worth the writing. Posted Image

#2 MoonChild

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Posted 17 January 2005 - 02:21 PM

Posted Image run doggy run :lol:
Posted Image

#3 MrGrey

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Posted 17 January 2005 - 02:22 PM

roflmao too funny ;) :lol:

so sticking your nose in other peoples crotches is wrong then? ah right i see lol


hilarious willow :D
You're sorta stuck where you areBut, in your dreams you can buy expensive cars,or live on mars and have it your wayAnd you hate your boss at your jobwell in your dreams you can blow his head offin your dreams show no mercy]Posted Image

#4 Justa

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Posted 17 January 2005 - 03:52 PM

:lol: :lol: I can just see my dog thinking these things. :lol: :lol:
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#5 kats_god

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    Has a problem with gas?

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Posted 17 January 2005 - 05:28 PM

Thats pretty funny :lol:
Check out my artwork at:http://www.jimdemick.com/
and on Facebook
Posted Image https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Art-of-Jim-Demick/261669903877527

Posted ImagePosted Image

"There are some things money can't buy...A good imagination is one of them

#6 cathylj73

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Posted 17 January 2005 - 06:42 PM

They were great. Thanks for a good laugh
Cathy
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#7 lulaboo

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Posted 17 January 2005 - 07:17 PM

TOO CUTE! :lol:
Is it Peeps season yet?Gallon of citronella oil--$5.95Having said oil blessed by local Catholic priest--FreeThe look on a psychic vampires face after you douse it with blessed oil and call it a psychic mosquito--Priceless!!!There are some things money can't buy...A good imagination is one of them

#8 Angels_from_Heaven

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Posted 18 January 2005 - 06:15 PM

so cute!! :weeee:
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