Letters To God...
Posted 17 January 2005 - 02:12 PM
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if
smell one another? Where are their priorities?
When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch?
it the same old story?
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the
the mustang,the colt, the stingray and the
not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a
riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it
so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler
If a dog barks his head off in theforest and no
hears him, is he still a bad dog?
If we come back as humans is that good or bad?
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to
hands to get in?
Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone?
I have been howling at the moon and stars for a
time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions,
signals,whistles,horns, clickers, beepers, scent
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight
paths. What do humans understand?
May I have my testicles back?
These are just some of the things I must remember
(inorder to keep my present living arrangements):
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when
lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind
sofa or under the bed.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it
after they throw it up.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining
clean carpet in the house when I am about to get
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs,
just because I like the way they smell.
I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty
box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and
redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not
red ones, or my people will think I am
When in the car, I will not insist on having the
window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each
hear one on television.
I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all
the back yard with them.
The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he
for Mom's driver's license and registration.
I will not play tug of war with Dad's underwear
he's on the toilet.
I will not roll around in the dirt right after
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an
acceptable way of saying hello.
I will not come in from outside and immediately
my butt across the carpet.
The toilet bowl is not a never ending water
and, just because the water is blue, doesn't mean
I will not sit in the middle of the living room
lick my crotch when company is over.
I will remember that suddenly turning around and
smelling my rear end can quickly clear a room.
The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with
and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good
Or do things worth the writing.
Posted 17 January 2005 - 02:22 PM
so sticking your nose in other peoples crotches is wrong then? ah right i see lol
Posted 17 January 2005 - 05:28 PM
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Posted 17 January 2005 - 07:17 PM
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